


Bridging the Gap Between You and I

by cream_pudding



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Attraction, Comfort, Fluff, Light-Hearted, M/M, Porn With Plot, Smut, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-26
Updated: 2018-05-08
Packaged: 2019-04-28 04:48:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 36,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14441694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cream_pudding/pseuds/cream_pudding
Summary: Roxas is the gatekeeper of the courthouse car park. Axel is a daily customer and the highlight of Roxas’ day. Little does he know he is also the highlight of Axel’s.





	1. Cold Booths and Warm Baths

**Author's Note:**

> This was a oneshot. Why is it in three parts then you might ask? Because it hurts me to think of your poor tired eyes getting through 30k words in one go, so I divided it into roughly three 10k chunks. 
> 
> This story isn't anything fancy. I didn't put too much thought into naming it or the chapters. I just needed a break from writing [The Two Penguins](https://archiveofourown.org/works/%20rel=). So this is frivolous, lighthearted, dumbness. Although yes, trigger warning for this chapter. Suicide attempt warning.
> 
> I hope you enjoy :)

It was a grey misty morning, the air delivering a sharp chill to his bones as he shuffled towards the tiny shelter, which also doubled as his workstation. He rubbed his hands and blew on his gloved appendages, hurrying the closer he got to his destination. 

Knocking on the small guard door hurt, the cold still biting into him. Moments later a clasp was undone and a lock clicked from within. A warm wedge of light greeted Roxas and even warmer air melted the icicles forming around his eyelashes.

“Quick, quick. All the heat’s getting out!” a dark shadow blocking out the light informed.

Roxas pushed in, door locked shut behind and he sighed with relief, shaking droplets of melted snow off his jacket in the too small toll booth that was going to be his home for the next 12 hours.

“You walk here? In this weather?” incredulity bathed the words.

Roxas nodded, disrobing and hanging up his coat on the back of the door. “I live real close by. Across the river.” 

“Don’t you drive?” the man gave a visible shudder.

“I like walking,” Roxas shrugged dismissively. It wasn't anyone business but his own why he didn’t drive, or own a car. The answer was simple: he had no money, hence the job, really. But he didn’t have to explain himself to others.

“Still pretty crazy if you ask me, to go walking in below thirty temps.” The grizzly-haired and leather-faced man grabbed his coat, scarf and gloves. “Name's Florentino. But people call me Flo.”

“Roxas. Just Roxas.” He tacked on a smile.

“You’re crazy Roxas. But nice to meet ya anyway.” They shook hands before Florentino covered up with the woven-fabric glove. “You know how everything works? This here opens the boom gate. The sensors will know when to shut it again. Give ‘em their time stamp ticket, have a chat asking their business if you feel like you’re going out of your mind, and then take their tickets on their way back out. No cash. No exceptions. They got no ticket they ain't leaving. Machine’s in the courthouses main foyer. They got no excuses.”

Roxas nodded. “I got the welcome pack and Mike gave me the tour.”

“Good old Mike. I’m gonna miss seeing that sonofabitch,” Florentino laughed. He shook the lapels of his coat and double checked his buttons were all done up. “They still stuff that welcome pack folder full of useless B.S on how court proceedings work?”

“Yep. It did come with a cute stress ball gavel, so it wasn’t a total waste.”

Florentino laughed. “Nice. I assume Mike showed ya how everything in here works? 

“Yup. Microwave under the desk, radio’s over there, walkie-talkie to the in-house security guards to be used if I’ve got some trouble out here or if I gotta take a leak.”

“Yup. Watch for the lawyers. They rage hard as fuck. Think they’re the most important people walking on the planet.” Florentino rolled his eyes and wrapped his scarf around himself. He looked like he was ready for a deep arctic exploration. “You got any questions write 'em down and ask me when I come back to relieve you. Good luck.” With that Florentino left, ushering in a flurry of snow and frigid air. 

Roxas shivered and moved closer to the small space heater tucked into a corner and was left alone. He stood, warming his hands and looked around himself. 

Everything was where he had remembered seeing it last week. The small radio played some classic rock. Stacks of newspapers and magazines littered the small bench, which was the control center for the whole carpark operation. Roxas gave them a closer look but recoiled at the sight of the Playboy. He wondered what would happen if his copies of Gay Times found their way in here. Roxas chuckled and settled down, pushing the control buttons to get the hang of this incredibly tough job.

The early morning was quiet, but also not completely devoid of any action, which surprised him. Cars were still parked in the open air carpark behind him. As he collected tickets and had brief conversations he found out it was mostly cleaning and some very overworked civic staff who were heading home for the day.

Around eight o’clock there came a steady stream of vehicles of all different makes and models, seeking entry into the carpark. Roxas got a very quick understanding that the courthouse attracted people from literally all walks of life. Rich and poor, old and young, a vast rainbow of ethnic diversity, and a very mixed bag of emotional responses. Some were incredibly tense, others nervous, asking Roxas a million questions to which he could only answer where the entrance to the courthouse was and where the washroom facilities were located. And then there were the lawyers. Usually heralded by the approach of a flashy car and a belittling attitude.

_“Hurry up, kid, I haven’t go all day!”_

_“They’ve really let their standards fall.”_

_“Where’s Mike? He’d have this boom gate open for me already.”_

_“Don’t talk to me, just get this thing open and gimmie that stub.”_

He received some vicious glares, but Roxas soon forgot about all that as he then received the most pleasant interaction for that morning, “Oh hey, you’re new. They finally got rid of that old codger, Mike?” The words were accompanied by the most gorgeous, relaxed, and gravelly laugh Roxas had ever heard.

“He’s retired.” 

“About time. Seeing his face every morning was by far the most depressing part of the day. Having to see it at the end of the day made everything slightly worse somehow.”

“He seemed all right to me,” Roxas defended with great indifference.

“Well, Mike had his moments, I guess. But seeing you every day- now that’s a vast improvement. About time this place got some sunshine.” The man winked and took his ticket from Roxas’ hand, while he stared, heart aflutter.

Roxas could easily feel himself turning red. “Ah, thanks. You’re nice to look a too.” Roxas’ skin must have turned a shade of red equal to the man’s stunning hair after those dumb words left his mouth.

Another glorious laugh erupted. “I’m glad the feeling’s mutual. I’m Axel, by the way.” 

_Axel._ Roxas became lost for a moment in what a ridiculously sexy name that was for an equally sexy being. Another smaller laugh drew him out of his hormonal haze. “Ah, I’m Roxas.”

“Pleased to meetcha, Roxas.”

His name rolling off that tongue made his knees weak. Thank goodness he was sitting down.

A car honked.

“You mind letting me through? I think we’re upsetting people.” Smile spread wide, the greenest eyes Roxas had ever seen narrowed with amusement.

He stumbled over his simple words of, “Ah, yeah, sure,” fumbled with the buttons, accidentally opening the wrong gate and slowly melted into a puddle of embarrassment, sinking low into his chair after he did get the right gate open and watched Axel drive off to find a parking spot. He wasn’t left to unwind. Another car pulled up promptly and the glaring snarl he received burned out the excited flutter in his chest.

The rest of his day was spent daydreaming about sexy Axel with his sexy hair and sexy voice. The guy was probably a lawyer. Roxas imagined himself breaking the law just so he could stare at Axel while they went over his charges together. 

So Roxas’ first day of work went by in a haze. He had spoken to many people, received a lot of flack, particularly from the lawyer folk in their flash cars and their flash suits, with their flash briefcases propped up next to them on the spare top-notch leather-seat interior of their luxury SUVs and BMWs. Some of them tried to get out of having to get a ticket as they left the carpark, something Mike had warned him about, particularly as it was Roxas’ first day. ‘ _Them lawyers can smell new blood a mile away. They’re worse than sharks._ ’ So Roxas had lots of practice directing people to the ticket machine inside the courthouse and had a good many goes at letting the insults slide off him like water off a duck's back.

When five o’clock hit Roxas had the immense joy of that red Audi pulling up beside his guard booth and sexiness-incarnate handing over ticket stubs, all the while smiling at him. “How was your first day? People treat you nice?”

“What are those things under your eyes?” Roxas could have sworn that extra sexy addition hadn’t been there that morning.

“Oh these? You like ‘em?” Axel leaned out of his car window slightly.

That smirk did a number on Roxas. “Yeah,” he breathed out like a pathetic loser.

“They’re tattoos.”

“Oh. When did you get them?” Was there a tattoo parlor around here somewhere?

“About ten years ago. Before I knew that tattoos and lawyers didn’t go _that_ well together.”

Roxas giggled, like a high school girl. He berated himself. But Axel kept smiling that sexy smile.

“So, uh,” Roxas cleared his throat, wanting to sound manly, “Why didn’t you have them showing this morning?”

“I cover up when I have court dates with magistrates, which is most of the time here. I had two this morning and the rest of the day I’ve been sitting with clients and potential clients. So I clean off the makeup for that.”

“They don’t get put off by your tattoos?”

“Do my tattoos put you off?”

Roxas wished Axel would pull him off. No wait, Axel had asked - He shook his head.

Axel’s smile grew… more sultry? It was making Roxas feel hotter, despite having the window open.

“Same for some clients. Some see me and go ‘I want _that_ guy to represent me,’ when before they wouldn’t have given me a second look in.”

“How could anyone ever pass you up,” Roxas muttered, instantly sitting up straight and stammering out, “Ah, so, ah to… a-answer your question, um, yeah I had a good day. You?”

Gorgeous laughter sounded again. “Well, that’s good to hear. And,” shoulders shrugged and hand ran through red spikes, a motion which Roxas followed very closely with his eyes. “I had as good a day as is to be expected. It just got better though.”

There was a hurricane of butterflies having a dance party inside Roxas. Axel was a lawyer. A non-asshole lawyer. Roxas would get to see him around often. Roxas had to make sure he didn’t keep saying dumb things or Axel would think him a moron. He quickly glanced out the window to check that no one else was leaving, so they could talk for a while longer and Roxas could hopefully redeem himself.

“What kind of clients do you usually take?” He might also secretly have wanted to know what sort of a crime he needed to commit to be given one-on-one time with the vision before himself.

“I’m a public defender, so I take whatever gets assigned to me. It’s usually victimless crimes. Inability to pay fines, property disputes, that kinda stuff. But sometimes I get DUI’s and DV cases as well.”

Roxas nodded, pretending he understood what some of that stuff meant. “Do you like your job?”

A big smile followed. “Yeah, I do. I like helping folks get out of trouble. You wouldn’t believe some of the unfair charges that get laid against people.”

“Oh I bet. My aunt’s best friend’s brother got done for a broken tail light, of all things. And then he got charged with all these other things while the copper was going through his things. Possession of a weapon and aggravated assault and some other shit too. He only talked back to the officer because the weapon he had was a baseball bat which he carried ‘cause he was on his way home from a baseball game.”

Axel rolled his eyes and sighed, a beautiful sight and sound to behold. “I’ve heard things like a that a million times. The system’s so broken.”

“But it keeps you busy,” Roxas smiled sadly.

Axel chuckled, sending a shiver down Roxas’ body. “That it does. So, Roxas.”

“Mm?” Roxas hummed, his mind in Nirvana every time his name dropped from that silvery tongue.

“Will you keep me here forever, or am I free to go home?” A mischievous twinkle sparkle in Axel’s eyes, and amusement tinted his words.

Roxas startled and looked around himself. He still held the ticket stumps. Heat rose to his cheeks once more. “Oh, shoot. Yes. sorry.” He expertly pushed the button to open the gate, though he wished he could keep Axel there forever, or better yet take him home to his place and then keep him hostage.

“Ah, you figured out which button to push,” Axel cheered.

Had it come from anyone else he would have been irritated. But as it stood - “I’ve got it all sorted now,” he announced with pride.

“Until tomorrow then, sunshine.” Axel gave a two-fingered salute, clicked his tongue and winked as he drove off.

Roxas sunk into his seat. “You fucking moron,” he snarled at himself. Thoughts returned to Axel. Roxas wanted to chase after the car but instead hugged himself and spun around in his swivel chair. He didn’t care that he had a terrible case of puppy love. He was going to savor it.

* * *

 

Every day was amazing and exciting for Roxas. He happily braced the frigid, icy and snowy mornings because Axel would greet him with that smile, a kind word and sometimes a glazed donut, or apple, or a croissant, and most days a takeaway cup of hot chocolate, after Roxas told Axel that he didn’t do coffee.

Roxas was completely smitten and all his friends knew it. Axel was all he ever spoke about when anyone asked him about work. It didn’t even matter so much to Roxas that Axel wore a wedding band, something he regrettably noticed when it had gotten a bit warmer, allowing for uncovered fingers to brush against each other in their daily ticket stub dance. 

He only allowed himself two days to feel down about it before Axel’s attentiveness, charm, and flirtations erased all care in Roxas’ world. Yes, it was unfortunate that Axel was taken but what did it even matter? Someone like Axel was completely out of Roxas’ league. The big words Axel sometimes used went completely over Roxas’ head most of the time, and he’d spend his day looking up what Axel had talked about so he could make sense of things and maybe appear marginally less like a devolved subset of humanoid. Occasionally he’d try to use a big word he had stumbled across but soon dropped this habit as the looks he got from Axel, albeit not ill-intended, did make Roxas feel sheepish and like he was trying way too hard. Which he was - but only because there was jack all to do during the day and preoccupying himself with thoughts of Axel was entertaining.

Sometimes the crazy thought hit him that he should ask Axel to hang out, to go see a movie, to see a band together. The urge was strongest on the days when Axel drove up listening to songs from Roxas’ favorite bands, or when Axel gave out a movie recommendation, like, “If you’ve got nothing else on you should check out ____. I saw it last night and it was awesome!.” The movies Axel recommended, for the most part, were all ones Roxas had wanted to see or had already seen. But all he ever did was sigh wistfully into his hand as Axe drove off.

He kept everything other than his enthusiasm and acknowledgement that he knew that song/band/movie private, because Axel was taken and starting a friendship with the man, and having any outside contact other than their brief exchanges at work, would put Roxas on a path full of heartbreak and woe. So he continued to entertain thoughts of him and Axel being together and reveled in their daily exchanges, full well knowing that nothing would ever happen.

Though he wished their exchanges could be longer. Roxas yearned for the boom gate to malfunction and for them to be stuck looking at each other and talking together for hours on end, whilst the queue of cars got ever longer behind Axel’s. And Roxas would for once be able to tell that colossal douchebag driving his silver Jaguar to go fuck himself, because that guy 90% of the time sat behind Axel’s car, beeping at him whenever their conversation turned really interesting or flirtatious. 

After a few months Roxas was fairly certain that Axel was gay. He had harbored some doubts. In a way it had been comforting because a straight Axel would have been better than a gay Axel when it came to being unattainable. But now he was pretty okay with the idea of Axel being gay. He told himself that it was better to not be together with him. Axel was probably impossible to live with… on account of being so handsome. He couldn’t bring himself to think badly of Axel. It was just too much fun to daydream, even though he sometimes got honked at to bring himself back down to Earth.

Summer came and with it heatwaves. The fan in his booth didn't do much, especially on humid days. He appreciated the cold drinks Axel brought him when he drove in and when he left again at the end of the day.

Roxas didn't know if he was imagining it or not but things with Axel seemed to change. He grew less talkative. Still smiled, still bought Roxas thoughtful things, but something about his energy was off.

Sometimes, “Are you all right?” was on the tip of his tongue, but it never came out because Axel slipped away too fast.

So Roxas stayed silent and watched on as Axel's imagined strange behaviour became less fantastical and more real. The smiles vanished. The banter dissolved. The vibrancy Axel had once displayed a distant memory. And then Axel vanished. Just like that he was gone. Where before he had never missed a day of work, even when he had been sick as a dog with the flu, he had attended, dosed up of medication, shining bright nose and bleary eyes, but still energetic and willing to help out whoever needed it.

Roxas wondered if maybe Axel had taken some time off. The poor guy deserved it, that was for sure. Roxas felt like taking time off too. He had surely incurred a few days worth of leave by now. But he decided to stay, in hopes of seeing Axel again, and because he truly didn't have much going on in his life. Yes there was traveling on the cards, but for what he wanted to do he would need to save for at least another year. So time off would mean time laying on his sofa in front of the television. Though he did like that idea once winter set in and the days got more miserable. So Roxas held onto his leave and kept accumulating it.

Two weeks passed before Axel reappeared. But it wasn't in his red Audi. It was on foot, bowed head, earbuds in, suitcase in hand. His delightfully blue-sheened suit looked lacklustre in the bright of day. His hair was all windswept and he slouched as he walked. Roxas just stared at the figure as it traversed along the footpath on the other side of the road. Axel didn't even so much as look up as he trudged on right along Roxas’ field of vision across the way. To say the snub didn't hurt was to be lying to himself.

Roxas’ mind was preoccupied with Axel once more, but this time he worried. He was in two minds about going into the courthouse to look for Axel, but past experience has taught him that it was notoriously difficult to find anyone in that maze of a place. For Roxas had looked, whilst on toilet breaks. He had hoped to run into Axel in the corridors and get chatting, and then maybe somehow end up in a darkened supply closet with their pants around their ankles. Yes, his mind had frequently gone there, and Roxas wasn't ashamed to admit that… to the most darkest recesses of his mind at least. But nothing like his wildest fantasies had ever happened. Not even his most bland ones of running into a very busy Axel, so they could only exchange kind smiles, had ever eventuated. So he doubted he would find Axel now.

He kept a lookout on the road as Axel's usual departure time arrived. Right on schedule Axel left the same way he had arrived, on foot, but looking even more bedraggled and defeated than when he had gotten in to work. Roxas wanted to chase after the man, give him a hug, and offer to take him out for a hot drink, because he really looked like he needed one. But an influx of cars entering and leaving stopped him, as did his chicken shit of a gut.

* * *

 

Roxas watched over several days, which turned into several weeks as Axel walked to and from work. Never looking up and over at Roxas. Roxas had attempted to shout and wave at Axel once, but then had felt incredibly foolish and embarrassed when all he got was strange stares from seemingly everyone and their pet cat, rather than Axel. It was depressing, and not just because the weather was moving into the colder months, heralding with it the first snows of the season on a gloomy Friday morning.

Roxas was rugged up, the space heater going at only half strength. Roxas didn't want to risk the chance of burning out his faithful companion. The thing looked older than time itself, with a thick layer of burnt dust gathered between its heating elements and its once proud-and-pearly-white casing, now stained greyer than an elephant’s hide.

He spotted Axel across the road, stalking the footpath on this day. Axel's attendance had gotten more sporadic over the last month. Some days he would be walking along day after day, and other times Roxas would only see him once or twice in a week. But one thing never changed, he never looked up and his earbuds were never out for Roxas to try and command the man's attention.

Roxas had gotten to such a state of deprivation that he had even resorted to taking a few days leave not too long ago, and had come out to wait for Axel, so they could have a chat. But he had been left feeling foolish as each day he arrived at the courthouse at Axel’s usual arrival and departure time, to never see an Axel.

Mike had come out of retirement to fill Roxas’ role while he was off so Roxas felt even worse, and it certainly wasn't helped by Mike spotting him and having a long conversation at him about not wasting his precious leave on hanging out outside of work. “ _You might as well get paid if you're gonna be sitting around here,_ ” had been the pearls of wisdom.

And Mike was right, so Roxas gave up taking any more leave and returned to work. He watched Axel reappear a few days later, walking the same path, and looking more gaunt and grey than Roxas recalled him being even two weeks ago.

Roxas was left not knowing what to do, so inaction seemed the best course of action. He watched Axel leave at his usual time that cold, dreary Friday afternoon and Roxas was glad when Florentino arrived, dressed like a Michelin man, to take over the night shift. The nights had definitely become bitingly cold over the last few days, so Roxas saw reason in Florentino ridiculous layering.

They said their Hellos and Goodbyes and Roxas scurried off towards home, jacket pulled tight around himself, and hands deep in pockets.

While the paths weren't iced over the home journey was a brisk ten-minute power walk away. When the streets became more hazardous the journey blew out to an amazing twenty minutes of careful shuffling. Lucky for Roxas the sidewalk was still power walk territory, so he made his way across the street, down a block and up the ramp to the pedestrian walkway which hugged the busy highway as it spanned across the river. The unusual cold snap had made the river ice over in the middle of the night, but by the time the morning rays hit the world the ice had turned back to a liquid. Roxas inspected the river below, and saw the gloom of the streetlights reflect off slightly shimmering and moving surface below, indicating that the river was still watery. His breath misted before him as he exhaled with harshness, from the exertion of walking quickly.

There wasn't much foot traffic; the usual jiggers having abandoned the route for warmer destinations, like gyms. So Roxas was surprised to see a shadowy figure up ahead at the apex of the bridge. The closer he got the easier it was to see that the person, probably a man. judging by the height, was transfixed at the traffic barrier, looking toward the oncoming traffic and their blinding headlights. Roxas could feel the wind displacement as the cars whizzed past, only a yard away, making him pull his woollen hat down further over his ears.

Roxas paid the figure no mind, concentrating on thinking what he would make himself for dinner and fatiguing at the idea of putting effort into anything. The headlights continued to streak across the bridge, casting unnatural shadows. Roxas kept his head down, willing fingers not to seize up, but his head snapped up as the before statuesque man he was only a few inches away from sprang into action by stepping up onto the traffic barrier. Roxas stared into the headlights of an oncoming semi-trailer, which was blaring its horns as the man looked to be trying to cross the busy highway.

“No, don’t!” Roxas warned with a shout, only just audible over the horn of the truck as it sped forward. Reflexively arm darted out and fingers grabbed at coarse fabric of the jacket the man was wearing. Roxas yanked back with all his might, causing himself to topple backwards, and taking with him the man, who landed on top of him, knocking the wind out of Roxas.

Everything hurt for a blinding moment. His backside, which had made hard contact with the unforgiving concrete ground, and his gut, where warm weight and jagged bones dug into him.

The weight atop of Roxas shifted. “What the fuck are you doing? Don't touch me!” Harsh words screeched into the air as the car horns still sounding faded into the distance.

The man rounded on Roxas as Roxas scrambled up and then the two of them stood and stared at each other. 

Blood rushed through Roxas’ ears and his breath rattled in his lungs. “What were you doing? There was a truck heading straight for you!” he shouted out of sheer terror and unable to control his flailing limbs The tremble in Roxas’ body increased with every erratic beat of his heart as he looked at dark hair, flashing red with the passing traffic's headlights, and sharp nose and cheekbones that Roxas had wanted to run his finger across for months now. He was staring at Axel's familiar face but contorted in an unfamiliar way.

Gaunt, tired face drew into a tight line and Axel drew away again, turning his back towards Roxas. No answer came, but moments later arms began to quaver and then whole body and legs gave out, causing Axel to drop sharply to the ground in an almost collapsed state. 

Roxas rushed forward, arms around Axel's shoulders and kneeling beside the sobbing man. Barely audible sounds came out of him but growing with strength at each passing. Roxas finally heard it, the desperate anguished cries of, “I don't know. I don't know.”

Axel wailed on and on until the words were swallowed by the tears and descended back into complete incoherence.

Roxas looked around himself, heart racing, feeling completely hopeless and helpless. What had he just witnessed? His heart was breaking. The cars kept racing past, drowning out any smaller noises Axel was making, and causing the walkway they were kneeling on to vibrate and shake uncomfortably.

Roxas leaned in closer to Axel, speaking next to his ear, “I live less than five minutes away. Do you want to come back to my place? I can make you… ,” he wished he could offer coffee but he didn’t have any, “tea, or hot chocolate? Do you want to do that?”

A whimper fell out of Axel and he nodded weakly.

Roxas hoisted Axel back up onto his feet. He collected the briefcase which had been discarded and almost forgotten about and then acted as a crutch to the very wobbly and also very tall Axel. Roxas had never realized how tall Axel actually was. Had this been other circumstances Roxas might have had some very particular thoughts about this revelation. But as it was, Roxas was still panicked and in shock over what had just happened so the thought went nowhere.

They walked in silence. With Axel's fragile state and extra weight it took longer than five minutes to reach his apartment, and even more time to get up to the third floor and finally through his door.

Roxas’ place was small and humble, but it was cozy. The door opened up into the living room, and at the far end was the open plan kitchen, overseeing the street below via the large window, which was the main natural light source for this part of his small place. 

“The bathroom’s on the left here. Do you need a bath?” Was that something to offer someone in Axel's situation? “You feel really cold. How long have you been out there for?” Roxas didn't need an answer really. Axel had left at five sharp and Roxas had left a little after six. so it would definitely have been over an hour. That thought, of Axel being up on that bridge for over an hour, sat like a big boulder made out of sadness in his chest.

“I don't know,” was all Axel muttered, staring at the carpeted floor.

Roxas looked around himself, desperate to know what to do. He left Axel's side and turned the thermostat up higher so his place would be toasty warm. “Can I make you something to eat?”

Axel shook his head. Roxas wanted to collapse in on himself with how dreadful he was feeling over being so completely useless. But then he made a snap decision. He was going to take charge.

“Okay, well you sit over here,” Roxas clasped icicle hands and lead Axel to his sofa, “and I'll run you a bubble bath.” He pushed Axel down onto the sofa and unfolded a throw he had draped over the back, tucking it around Axel and giving the man a pillow to hug, which he readily did. “And then I'll make us some grilled cheese sandwiches and we will talk about what happened. Or - you know, we could watch a movie.”

Green eyes finally raised and looked at him, but the stare was vacant and unseeing. 

Roxas sighed, more out of releasing tension than anything else. He reluctantly left Axel sitting there on his sofa and went to his crisp-white-and-rather-industrial bathroom. He filled the stand-alone cast-iron bathtub with water, squirted some green bubble bath liquid into it and watched the clouds of billowy white suds build into tall fluffy mountains.

Flashes of Axel mounting the concrete traffic barrier accosted him. It hadn't been an accident. Axel had meant to go over the top, just as that truck - Roxas felt sick with sadness, worry, and fear. He looked back at the open door and into his living area. He could just make out Axel's drooping hair over the top of the sofa.

Why had Axel tried to end it all? Roxas felt the sting behind his eyes. He sniffled up the sadness and rubbed the damp away using his elbow while he swirled the water. 

He was very worried about Axel; Didn't want to leave the man alone even for an instant, because Roxas had no idea what he was capable of doing. So he kept checking by casting quick glances through the doorway.

Once the water was the right height and temperature Roxas went out and lead Axel into the bathroom. The man still seemed despondent. Roxas had imagined Axel in his bathroom, on his sofa, in his bed - but it had never been like this. 

“The bath is ready,” he pointed, hoping to get some reaction out of the man.

Axel's head moved minutely to look at it.

A sudden dread came over Roxas that maybe he had just created a watery grave for Axel. Maybe a bath had been the worst idea to ever have been thought up. “You don't need to take it. I'll drain it.”

“No, I'll - sit in it… for a bit.”

“Okay, but - um… is it okay if I leave the door open? You know, to check on you?” He hoped he wasn't coming across as creepy. He actually hoped for a snigger and snide remark from Axel, which would have been a breath of fresh air to Roxas. But he got nothing but a muttered, “Okay.”

Roxas left Axel along to get undressed and got to making sandwiches for them. He strained to listen to any sounds of Axel drowning. He didn't know CPR but he would do his best to keep Axel alive if it came to that.

The quiet from the bathroom unnerved Roxas. “Can you… sing me a song or something? It doesn't have to be perfect or anything special. I just - I’d like to hear your voice.”

It was dumb but he needed to know Axel was all right and a song was the best thing he could come up with, since Axel didn't seem in the mood to talk. 

No sound came from the bathroom for a while, and then a sombre tone began. It was a lot of murmurs, but from time to time Roxas could make out some words;

**♪** _… quiet_  
**♪** _I went …_  
**♪** _… just soakin' my head … brain_  
**♪** _…_  
**♪** _…_  
**♪** _I don't understand now_

 **♪** _… pink rabbits_  
**♪** _Am I the one you think ‘bout…_

**♪** _And everybody was gone_  
**♪** _… not to crack up_  
**♪** _… like a rain it was more like a sea_  
**♪** _I didn't ask … it just came over me_  
**♪** _…_  
**♪** _… that's frightening_

**♪** _… think about when … drinking pink rabbits_  
**♪** _… pink rabbits_

**♪** _And everybody was gone_  
**♪** _…_

**♪** _I was solid gold_  
**♪** _… in the fight_  
**♪** _I was coming back … like a ruin_  
**♪** _I couldn't see you coming so far_  
**♪** _I just turn around and there you are_

**♪** _… dance with me now_  
**♪** _I was just getting used to living life without you around_  
**♪** _I'm so surprised …_  
**♪** _You always … too high off the ground_

**♪** _You didn't see me I was falling apart_  
**♪** _… white girl in a crowd … the park_  
**♪** _… I was falling apart_  
**♪** _I was … of a person with a broken heart_  
**♪** _You didn't see me I was falling apart_  
**♪** _… crowd of white girls in a park_  
**♪** _… falling apart_  
**♪** _… television version of a person with a broken …_

Roxas gathered the grilled cheese sandwiches he had been making and slicing, onto a plate and walked to the bathroom. Axel’s singing became a little clearer as he went and he waited outside, resting against the wall, staring at his ceiling as he listened on.

 **♪** _And everybody was gone_  
**♪** _You were standin' in the street 'cause you were trying not to crack up_  
**♪** _Now I only think about Los Angeles when the sun kicks out_  
**♪** _… sun kicks out_

**♪** _You said it would be painless_  
**♪** _The needle in the dark_  
**♪** _You said it would be painless_  
**♪** _It wasn't that at all_

 **♪** _You said it would be painless **(1)**_

Axel’s singing stopped and he just hummed the same chords over and over.

Roxas came into the bathroom tentatively knocking as he went and averting his eyes slightly. Axel was surrounded by soap suds and anything below his mid-chest was covered up to Roxas’ relief. “I made sandwiches.” He sat on the bath mat and carefully balanced the plate on the lip of the bath, still holding and supporting it with one hand. He ate quietly and was relieved when Axel lifted a wet hand and picked up one of the sandwiches, dripping water and foam everywhere.

Axel still hummed to himself.

Roxas stayed quiet, trying to process how surreal this current situation was. He had been fantasizing about Axel for so long. Now he was in his bathtub, after having tried to kill himself. Roxas cast his eye over to Axel. He still looked vacant and nibbled on the bread.

“What were you doing out there, Axel?” Roxas muttered to himself.

Head raised, eyes focused slightly. “Roxas?” Axel voice broke and sounded completely bewildered.

“Yes?” He looked at Axel, whose green eyes were transfixed on him, as if seeing him for the first time.

“What’re you doing here?” Axel looked around himself and then tensed suddenly, gripping the edge of the bath. “Where am I?”

“It's okay. You're in my apartment.” Roxas hurried to put the plate on the floor and got up on his knees, gripping the tub's edge. “I brought you here. You remember what happened? Out on the bridge?”

Eyes darted around as Axel searched his memory. “I was walking to the bus stop and then… then - I didn't want to go home. I didn't want to see - I didn't… want to… ,” Axel exhaled a sharp breath and coiled in on himself, the motion of which caused the water and suds in the bath to raise and flow over the edge slightly. He held his head. “Oh, God. What did I almost do!”

“You're okay now. You're safe.” Roxas reached out and ran two careful fingers through Axel's hair, applying light pressure. “You're okay.”

Axel jerked away. “Why didn’t you leave alone?” he barked.

“I'm sorry,” Roxas recoiled his hand.

A loaded sigh was forced out. “No, no Roxas. _I'm_ sorry.” Axel chased after Roxas, clasping their hands together.

Roxas squeezed gently. “What happened? What's wrong?” he pleaded softly.

“I -” Axel swallowed and eyes squeezed shut. “Can I get out of the bath first?” He didn’t even wait for an answer. Arms made for the bath's edge and Axel lifted himself up. 

Embarrassed panic rose. Roxas averted his eyes and turned away. He got up and grabbed a towel, handing it to Axel, still looking away. “Do you need anything? I mean, my clothes probably won't fit you but - I got a bathrobe. You want that?” He chanced a look back. Axel had wrapped the towel around himself and nodded, looking down at his crumpled suit.

“I'll go get it. I'll hang this up for you.” Roxas grabbed the clothes off the floor but stopped short at Axel's briefs. “I’ll leave these here,” he said quickly and rushed away, to his bedroom on the right side of his apartment. His bathrobe was probably also going to be too short for Axel but at least it would provide more coverage than anything else Roxas could offer.

He hung up Axel's business shirt and suit, taking a whiff of Axel's delicious scent and then berating himself for being such a creep. He went back out to his bathroom and handed Axel the robe. “I'll be out in the living room when you're ready. We can watch a movie or something but… but if you wanna talk about what happened I'm here for you,” Roxas said, looking at the ground and with that left, shutting the door behind himself and sighing out the tension he was carrying.

He sat and waited for Axel for a while, rubbing his thumbs together and replaying the events of the bridge over in his head, as well as thinking back on the change he observed in Axel over the past half a year almost.

The door creaking open drew Roxas’ eyes up. Axel came out, Roxas’ bathrobe only covering up to Axel's knees and the sleeves almost at his elbows. Roxas smiled and tried hard to keep the giggle at bay.

Axel approached, putting the plate of sandwiches down on the coffee table. “What?” he said somewhat defensively.

“You look really cute,” Roxas still giggled, but then clapped his hands over his mouth.

Axel’s eyebrow quirked and he gave a slow, low chuckle; a sound which was music to Roxas’ ears. Axel sunk down onto the sofa, legs akimbo, resting elbows on knees, and head hung low.

Roxas watched and waited. Roxas’ apartment was very quiet. Roxas could make out the sound of his refrigerator buzzing, a faucet dripping, someone walking around upstairs.

Axel’s voice broke through slowly, “Thank you, Roxas. Thanks for being there.”

“Where you - did you want to -”

“I… Yeah. I wanted to kill myself,” Axel almost whispered.

The tears welled and all air escaped Roxas’ lungs. “Why?” he got out hoarsely.

Axel took a few deep breaths. He rubbed at his eyes and kept looking down at the floor between his legs. “I haven't been doing too well the last few months. Life… life's been pretty terrible, actually.” Axel clasped his hands together, and fiddled with the ring on his finger. 

“You haven't been yourself the last few months,” Roxas muttered.

“What?” Head turned towards Roxas.

Roxas nodded and looked at Axel. Roxas couldn’t get over Axel’s thin appearance. “You've been quiet, and keep being away. I've been meaning to say something to you for so long now. I'm sorry that I didn't,” he muttered. Incredible guilt washed over him for being such a chicken shit.

“Nothing you could have done.” Axel returned his attention to his fingers, twirling, twisting and rubbing at the band. “I just can’t cope. I’m a fucking joke. Ever since Casey left nothing’s gone right.”

“Casey?” Roxas cocked his head to the side and moved a little closer.

“My - ex. My fucking ex-” Axel ran hand over his face and cradled his head between his hands.

Roxas fought down the jubilation. He was such a pathetic creep. “I’m sorry.”

“Stop apologizing. Is it your fault that I wasn’t good enough for Casey? Is it your fault that he looked down on me for not being a pompous ass like himself? It’s not, so just shut up.”

Roxas recoiled a little at Axel’s angry words.

“Sorry,” Axel apologized. “Casey left me two months ago. I’ve been trying - trying so hard to get more high profiled cases, but it’s not working. Nothing I do is working. I keep being sick, shit keeps happening to me. I’m so fucking tired, and I totalled my car, which was fucking expensive, and now it’s in repairs.” Axel started muttering to himself, “I gotta make repayments for a fucking pile of shit I can’t even drive! I can’t get better-paying work. All my friends are apparently more Casey’s friends than mine and no one’s talking to me. I don’t even know why. He’s the fuck who broke up with me. I didn’t meet his high standards and he’s tossed me out like I’m one of his expensive suits that’s gone out of fashion. Fucking dick. The asshole didn’t even offer to help me pay for my car, after I only got in an accident because I dropped him off to get his Jag from the service dealer. But I’m so hung up about him that I’m still wearing this fucking - stupid - ring!” Axel yanked it off his finger and threw it across the room. Small metal band clinked against the wall, bounced and rolled away somewhere behind Roxas’ TV cabinet. 

Axel gave a forlorn stare after the ring, rage melting from his face, and leaving a trail of sorrow streaking down his cheeks. “I’ve got nothing left. No one in my life. All I’ve got are debts. If I don’t get this shit sorted, if I can’t get my repayments sorted it’s gonna reflect badly on me. It could jeopardize my standing with the bar, and if that happens… fuck! I don’t want to think about it. I don’t want to feel about it. It’s been hurting so much I can’t feel anything anymore. It’s all numb, but then it hurts again. God, it hurt so bad today. I didn’t want to go home. I didn’t want to _be_ anymore. It’s all too much. I’m tired. I’m exhausted. I’ve had enough.” Axel began sobbing into his hands.

Roxas scooched close, wrapping his arms around Axel’s body. “You’ve got me, Axel. I’ll be here for you.”

Axel suddenly turned into the contact and grabbed ahold of Roxas, draping arms over his shoulders and moving one of his legs up and around Roxas’ side, which took him by surprise.

Roxas was held in place, and reciprocated the tightness of the embrace. He listened to Axel’s crying, pushed the side of his face into Axel’s hair and stroked, patted, and drew patterns into Axel’s back for a while. He had no idea what to say, so he didn’t. He took sick pleasure in being this tangled up with Axel. Yes, he wished the circumstances had been different but that didn’t detract too much from loving the cuddle they were each giving one another right now.

“Thank you, Roxas.”

“No. don’t thank me. I wish I had made more of an effort to talk to you. Things were off with you and I should have asked you if everything was all right, but - I was too scared.”

“Scared? Scared of what?” Axel pulled away a little. Red-rimmed eyes looked at Roxas.

He regretted his choice of words. “No, not scared. It’s really dumb, don’t worry about it.” 

“No, what is it?” Arms and leg moved away and he sat up straight, trying to fix the bathrobe up.

The look in Axel’s eyes made Roxas want to confess to everything, in the hope that it would magically cure Axel’s pain. “I, ah - I had a very teeny-tiny crush on you when we first met, so that kinda made me feel like I needed to try super hard to impress you. But it went away once I knew you were taken,” he lied, “but the feeling dumb compared to you kinda has stayed with me.”

“Really? You had a crush on me?” Axel sniffled and a small smile broke free.

“Yeah. It's nothing now, please don't worry about it.” The last thing Roxas wanted was to impose himself on Axel.

Axel gave a tired, “Oh.”

Roxas tried for a big cheerful smile.

“You're still intimidated by me even now? Even after you saw me at my lowest low and had me naked in your tub?”

“Maybe not so much intimidated anymore,” Roxas smiled. He definitely was a lot of other things though. “But still a little. You’re mister smart-lawyer-guy and I’m… just a toll booth dude who knows nothing about afford davids and adjointment precedents or what fragra is or what opera concerto’s go with what wine. I,” Roxas sighed. Why was he making this about himself? “I just never felt good enough to be your friend. Or like - you were just being nice to the dumb guy to maybe one day get me to open up the gate for you when you forgot to get your ticket validated.”

“I guess that would have saved me some money. The rates are ridiculous.” A small smile played on Axel's lips. “But I hope you know I would never do that. I was nice to you because… because you were - are nice. I’ve always liked you.”

Roxas tried to keep the tremendous grin at bay and clenched his fists tighter into his lap so he wouldn't fist pump into the air. Axel didn't mean it like _that_ but it was still awesome to hear that someone like Axel had a genuine fondness for someone like Roxas.

“Well that's great. I've always liked you too. I tried to learn about whatever you talked about so I could seem smarter to you.”

“You really did that for me?”

“Yeah. I'm a bit lame like that.”

Axel shook his head. “You’re not lame. You’re really sweet. I don't think anyone's ever made an effort for me.”

It was a heartbreaking statement for Roxas to hear. “I'm sorry that you feel that way. You're important to me though. You made my days heaps fun. I always looked forward to seeing you. And I know your clients really appreciate you too. Sometimes I had people talk to me about you.”

Axel’s head cocked to the side and he frowned. “How?”

“They said you were really patient and good at your job and made them feel better being there.”

Axel stayed quiet but his face tensed up and eyes squeezed shut. A sob escaped moments later.

Roxas leaned in and rubbed Axel's back. “You're important to people. You make a positive difference in other's lives.”

Axel tensed up more, and cried harder. It panicked Roxas. Had he said the wrong thing?

“I'm sorry, Axel. Please don't cry. I don't wanna make you feel worse,” he said quickly, feeling his own tears begin to well up.

Axel sniffled and violently shook his head. Weepy, red, tired eyes looked over at him. “No. It's not that.” Axel drew him into a hug. Roxas rested his head against Axel's bare chest as the bathrobe had fallen open a fair bit.

“I'm glad you got to me in time,” Axel murmured against Roxas’ hair. “I was in a really bad place. It's good to know I'm not alone. It's good to know I make a difference.”

“You make a huge difference, and you're definitely not alone. I'll try and help you any way I can.”

“Thanks. That’s already more than Casey ever offered.”

“He sounds like a massive asshole.”

“He is. But-” a sob choked out.

“Love is love,” Roxas murmured, finishing Axel's sentiment for him.

Axel stayed the night at Roxas’ place. He had fallen asleep on the sofa while they had watched a sitcom they both were fans of. Roxas had put a spare blanket over Axel's body and kept the heating up while he quietly made to drain the bath, had a shower, brushed teeth and curled up with his pillow for the night.

* * *

 

The next day being a Saturday meant neither men had anywhere to be.

Roxas got up to find Axel in the same position he had left him in the previous night but awake and staring at the wall.

“Morning, Axel. Did you sleep okay?”

Eyes looked up and found Roxas. “Yeah. Better than I have in a while. Thanks.”

Roxas smiled. “You want breakfast? I can make us eggs and toast.”

“That would be awesome.” Axel raised himself and only his lap ended up being covered by completely slipped off bathrobe and bunched up blanket.

Roxas stared at soft looking pale skin for a moment too long. Axel shifted uncomfortably, trying to cover more of himself. Roxas muttered an apology and went towards the fridge.

“I'll - go put my clothes back on.”

“Yeah. They’re hanging up in my bedroom, by the window. Feel free to get dressed in there.”

Axel left without another word and Roxas chastized himself for his behavior. He had been lusting after Axel for too long. Now he has solid confirmation that Axel _was_ gay _and_ single. He wished he had gotten a lot closer to Axel before now. Now was the completely wrong time for anything but being supportive of Axel's needs. A voice sprang into his head which wondered if Axel needed a blowjob, because Roxas could definitely help in that department. He grumbled that thought away.

Axel came back out dressed like Roxas had seen him yesterday, but despite his best efforts of hanging things up neatly Axel's clothes were still quite crumpled.

“Hey. The eggs will be done in a few minutes.”

“Uh, Roxas, I'm sorry to do this to you but, I think I'm gonna go home. I can't do this right now - socializing, y’know.”

Those words left Roxas crestfallen. “Oh. You sure?”

“Yeah.”

“Please don't go. I’m sorry if I'm creeping you out or something. I'll behave,” Roxas pleaded. 

Axel looked surprised, even chuckled a little. “You're not a creep. I just - can't do civilities right now. It's nothing personal.”

“You sure?”

Axel nodded and Roxas felt a bit relieved over him not being the problem.

“Well, okay, if you're sure. I want to be your friend. Like a real friend. I'm here for you and it be great if you’d come talk to me. I'll make more of an effort to talk to you now that I know you don't think I'm dumb. You don't, right?” His perpetual defeatist inner monologue was exhausting at times.

“You're not dumb. Here, let me give you my number and we can talk over the phone.”

Butterflies and elation erupted. “Yes, that’d be awesome. Ah - my phone's on my bedside stand. There's no lock to get into it. You can just put your number in there. I'll pack you this to go.”

Axel smiled. It was tired, but authentic. He nodded and walked back into the bedroom.

Roxas made Axel a breakfast sandwich, which was basically just the fried egg wedged between two pieces of lightly buttered toast. “You want sauce?” Roxas asked, holding up the sauce bottle as Axel came back.

“Yeah, thanks.”

Roxas squeezed the bottle, closed the sandwich and put it in a sandwich bag. He walked over to Axel and handed it to him. “Hope you like it.”

“I'm sure I will. Thanks for absolutely everything.” Axel pocketed the item.

“You sure you want to go? I don't want to be annoying but I just feel funny about letting you go home to be all alone. You said you didn't want to go home last night, so… .” He let that hang in the air.

Axel looked over towards the door for a good long while before returning gaze on Roxas. “I'm feeling a lot better today. You were a great help last night. And, well frankly I'm really embarrassed about what happened and don't want to be seen right now. I just wanna curl up and hide under my doona.”

God, that image warmed Roxas’ soul. He wished he could hide under the sheets with Axel. “Yeah, okay, I understand that.”

Axel gave him a short smile and made to turn towards the door but Roxas interrupted the motion with the question, “Will I see you on Monday?”

There was definite hesitation flashing through Axel. Eyes darted from the door, back to Roxas and then back to the door before he said, “I’m not sure.”

Roxas frowned. “If you don't feel up to it you should stay home and rest up. Maybe see a doctor. There's medication you can take. Antidepressants, you know. Maybe you should see a counsellor, talk to someone, y’know. My brother's an intake officer for the hospital. He can get you in to see a psychologist or something.”

“Oh, you have a brother?” Green eyes returned to Roxas.

“Yeah, Ventus. We’re twins. He's older but only 'cause they pulled him out first so if he says anything to you about me being a baby brother just ignore him.”

Axel gave a throaty chuckle and a tired smile. “Thanks, Roxas. I might take you up on that offer.”

“Awesome. I can text you his work details later. I'm having dinner with him tonight. I can tell him to get you the bestest, most nicest psych if you do decide to call.”

Axel smiled and nodded.

“You sure you'll be okay on your own? God, I'm so sorry for being annoying but I just - I don't know what to do in this situation. I just want you to stay safe. You could stay here if you want, y’know. I'll even stop talking. You can hang out in my bedroom, or we could build a pillow fort here by the lounge. Is that childish? God, you must think I'm a big, dumb kid. Sorry.”

Axel gave him a lopsided pitying smile. “You’re very kind, Roxas, but I really just want to go home and tune out for a while. I promise you I will be okay for now. I was in a really bad place last night but you’ve made me feel a lot better. I'll be in touch.” Axel leaned down and placed a kiss on Roxas’ cheek.

Roxas could have burst then and there. He went in and gave Axel a massive squeeze of the ribs, forcing an airy chuckle out of him.

“Thanks for the laughs. It's been a while,” Axel said, smiling down at Roxas as they pulled apart.

“My pleasure.”

Axel started heading for Roxas’ front door and Roxas accompanied him. With every step closer to his door he wished he didn't have to let Axel go. He wanted to keep the man safe, even if it meant tying him to his bed and - Roxas saved that thought for later. They reached the door and he made to open it for Axel.

“Bye.” Axel gave him another half a smile.

“Bye.” Roxas gave him a bright grin which fell away the instant he closed the door behind himself.

The silence that was left in his apartment felt oddly hollow. He really hadn't wanted Axel to ever leave. Not in the state he was currently in. Thoughts of keeping Axel hostage resurfaced and Roxas went and finished the thoughts of tying Axel up to the bed while he went and ate his egg on toast before it got cold and rubbery. 

After breakfast he went to his sofa and wrapped himself up in the blanket that had been on Axel all night. The faint scent of him clung to it and Roxas made sure to cuddle into it as much as possible. He was such a sad sap. He relived the feel of Axel against himself. But then the familiar chime of his phone went off and Roxas slowly got up, suspecting it was from his brother Ventus, to remind him of their dinner date tonight. Roxas always remembered, but chose to ignore them most of the time, leading his brother to believe that he was scatterbrained… which in a vicious cycle lead to many text messages.

When he reached his phone however he saw Axel's name on the display. Eyes went wide and he sat down to download the video message he had gotten.

The video loaded and Axel filled his screen. He appeared to be walking down the street. Cars sounded in the background and the camera shook with each step Axel took.

 _“Hey Roxas. Thanks for absolutely everything yesterday. It means a lot to me to know I've got you in my corner. Thanks for all the nice things you said about me. It's nice to hear. And… well I get the feeling that the teeny-tiny crush you had on me is still kind of there. It's best not to lie to me. I am a lawyer after all. I can smell the truth,”_ Axel chuckled _. “But really, if you do still like me… ,”_ Axelsighed _, “confession time. I kinda like you too. You're very cute.”_

Roxas slapped his hand across his gaping mouth.

 _“I haven't felt attractive in forever so it's nice to know that someone likes me, especially right now when it feels like no one in my life wants to talk to me. So - I don't know where this leaves us. I didn't want to talk to you about this in person because I need some - actually I need a lot of time to process this stuff. I don't know if you’ll like or hate hearing this but if we had met like five years ago I would have been all over you quicker than you can say antidisestablishmentarian. But things are really different now and, while I'm still flattered I can't right now. I can't be with anyone. But when I am ready you’ll be the first to know, that's another promise I can make you. So thanks again. I’m happy to be friends with you. This sandwich is really good.”_ Axel took a bite out of the half-eaten sandwich. _“I'll be in touch.”_

The video ended and he stared at Axel's captured face from the beginning of the video. “Holy fucking shit, Axel thinks I'm cute!” he screamed at the top of his lungs and fell back on his bed, grinning from ear to ear.

He texted Axel back.

Roxas  
  
**Today** 10:11 AM  
I got your video message. Looks like you busted me. You're such a great lawyer, Ax.  
  
Can I call you that?  
  
But thanks for the message. Take all the time in the world. I'll be here for you if you need to talk.  
  
**Today** 10:12 PM  
Axel  
Thanks. And yeah, Ax is fine, Rox (:p )  
  
I have no problem with Rox either. (:D)  
  


Roxas refrained from including that Axel could call him anything he liked. He instead sent through his brothers work details and then replayed Axel's video message five more times.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **(1)** \- Song Credit - Pink Rabbits - by The National.
> 
> Full credit to [La_Temperaza](https://archiveofourown.org/users/La_Temperanza/pseuds/La_Temperanza) and [CodenameCarrot](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CodenameCarrot/pseuds/CodenameCarrot) for the CSS codes/html, and list of emoji's.
> 
> Comments are appreciated.  
> Not quite sure what sort of comments to leave? Here is a handy-dandy guide! (taken from [NimblesNotebook](http://nimblesnotebook.tumblr.com) on Tumblr)  
> 1\. At what point did you feel like “Ah, now the story has really begun!”  
> 2\. What were the points where you found yourself skimming?  
> 3\. Which setting in the story was clearest to you as you were reading it? Which do you remember the best?  
> 4\. Which character would you most like to meet and get to know?  
> 5\. What was the most suspenseful moment in the story?  
> 6\. If you had to pick one character to get rid of, who would you axe?  
> 7\. Was there a situation in the story that reminded you of something in your own life?  
> 8\. Where did you stop reading?  
> 9\. What was the last book/fanfic you read, before this? And what did you think of it?  
> 10\. Finish this sentence: “I kept reading because…”


	2. Of Lawyers, Rings, and Other Strange Things

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the lovely comments on the first part of this oneshot. I do love it when you guys engage with me :D  
> Critical feedback is always appreciated and welcome, as is just happy squeeing goodness :)
> 
> Good job to those who got the Better Call Saul reference. I love that show and couldn't help myself but to sneaky sneak it in there. I hope you'll enjoy the next bit of oh-so-subtle ***** referencing this part holds.

Axel didn't show up for work on Monday, but he called Roxas to let him know everything was fine and that he was booking himself in to see someone. Roxas wasn't completely worry-free but he smiled every time Axel messaged or called him, which seemed to be at least once a day for a week.

The next thing that happened was that Axel ended up coming over on Saturday and they hung out together, watching movies and playing video games. It went a long way to make Roxas feel on equal footing with Axel. The worry about Roxas not being able to match up to Axel's brilliance got chipped away with each laugh they shared or mutual interest they discovered.

Axel was so damn cute and silly which just about melted Roxas’ heart. The man had found Roxas’ stress ball gavel from the work-welcome-package and had spent the evening pretending to be a judge and sentencing all the vegetables and meats to death as he handed them to Roxas, who was preparing dinner. 

Axel stayed the night and they kept each other up a long while, talking about insignificant things but also about more meaningful things too. Axel grilled Roxas about his inadequacies when it came to them being friends. Roxas mentioned Axel’s job status again as reason and then Axel went a long way to downplay his degree and the amount of smarts it took to pass it and sit a bar exam. He insisted that this was the only difference between them and when Roxas voiced his disbelief Axel took a different tact and started insisting that it was probably only because their lived experience was different and Axel had five years on Roxas.

Roxas decided to agree with Axel, because it was nice how hard he was trying to make Roxas feel better. He also appreciated the way their limbs occasionally brushed together as they were sitting on either end of Roxas’ small sofa.

Roxas wasn't sure how he felt about the knowledge that Axel liked him a little bit too and that there could be something between them if circumstances had been different. He cursed himself once more for not having spoken up sooner. He could have been a friend to Axel when the breakup had been happening and then… Roxas let it slide. 

They were going to be friends first and foremost and Roxas decided he would respect Axel's wishes as much as possible. So he made up his mind to wait for Axel to bring up relationship talk. Surely Roxas could find the patience within himself somewhere.

The weekend went away too fast and the week felt a bit hollow with Axel nowhere to be seen. But again, the messages reinvigorated Roxas.

The next weekend came and it was Sunday afternoon by the time Roxas heard anything from Axel, and that was a forceful contact which Roxas had agonized over for hours, not knowing whether or not to initiate it.

“Sorry to call you, but I haven't heard from you since Friday night and I thought that a bit unusual, seeing how we’ve talked quite a lot the last two weeks,” Roxas said as Axel picked up his call.

 _“Sorry,”_ was the unenthusiastic response.

“Are you okay?” They had exchanged a lot of text messages that past week. Roxas hadn’t thought anything too unusual about Axel's silence… until this moment and that response.

_“I’m not in a conversing mood.”_

Roxas pressed his lips together. He didn't want to, but he was going to force the issue, “You haven’t answered me. Are you okay?”

A long pause and Roxas knew the answer before Axel eventually said, _“No.”_

“What’s going on. Please talk to me.”

A heavy sigh and then, “ _A lot’s been coming up for me in therapy and I get left with all these thoughts in my head and nowhere to go.”_

“Come here,” he said instinctively.

“ _I don’t want to be a burden._ ”

“You won’t be.”

“ _It’s a long way for me to come just to go back home._ ”

“Stay the night.”

A tired laugh sounded. “ _You got an answer for everything?_ ”

“Yeah, ask me something.”

“ _Okay, what are tomorrow nights lottery numbers?_ ”

“Five, nineteen, forty-eight, thirteen, eight, twenty-two. And if the numbers don’t come up in this universe it’ll be so in another universe.”

“ _Ah, the multiverse. You think other multiverse me’s are doing better than 'me' me?_ ”

“I think you’re doing okay. You’ve got me.”

Silence.

Roxas hated not being able to see Axel’s reaction. “So come over, bring some spare clothes and we’ll go to work together.”

“ _But you start before me. I’m used to sleeping in._ ”

“You’re so spoilt,” he laughed lightly. “But okay, I’ll allow you to sleep in.”

Axel gave a short, sharp laugh. “ _Thank you. -Okay, I’ll come over.”_

Roxas fist-pumped the air. “See you soon.”

It was about an hour before Axel arrived in winter boots, jeans, and a big puffy jacket with a plain long sleeved green shirt underneath. Roxas took Axel’s jacket and suit bag and hung them up.

The energy between them was all wrong. Or maybe it was just Axel’s dispirited mood that caused the heaviness in Roxas’ soul. 

“You wanna talk?”

A slow, tired shake of the head was all Axel gave. So Roxas parked Axel’s arse in front of the TV and put on a movie for him to watch while Roxas went about making dinner. Slowly conversation did start flowing. They discussed the plot holes of the movie and then ended up in a heated discussion regarding whether or not the salad that Roxas had made was a fruit or vegetable salad, considering the large assortment of tomatoes, cucumbers, and pumpkin in it.

The debate ended and a deck of themed cards was pulled out, which kept them busy for almost an hour.

When they were done Roxas asked, “You want ice cream or anything?”

“Nah, I’m good. I already had my fill of dessert with that fruit salad.”

It was only the twinkle of amusement in Axel’s eyes that stopped Roxas from flying off the handle. He took a deep breath, ran a hand through his hair and asked, “Want to go to sleep?”

“No. I’m still good.”

“What do you wanna do then?” Was it wrong for Roxas to hope that 'making out’ was the answer?

“I think I wanna talk a bit.”

“Oh, yeah, sure.” Roxas turned to face Axel on the sofa, crossing his legs.

Axel also swiveled and rested his arm on the sofa, and head in hand. He didn't seem to want to start though.

“Ah, so… you'll be going back to work now?”

“Yeah. It’ll keep me busy. Stop me overthinking things.”

“What do you think about?”

Eyes closed for a while before opening and looking at nothing in particular. “I keep replaying the bad times with Casey and me on my head. Trying to understand where it turned to shit, y’know.”

“What happened with you two?”

Axel flicked at his ring finger but stopped once he realized there was nothing there. “He kept pushing me to reject what he thought were worthless cases. In Casey's world,” Axel scoffed, “nah, in the lawyering world it's all about appearance and looking good. It's why I got the car. I used to drive a shit box but Case didn't wanna be seen with me, so I got my Audi. I wouldn't be in half the trouble if I didn't get the fucking car.”

“Can't you just sell it?”

“I'm looking into it. But because of the accident and the fact that cars depreciate I wouldn't get much, and the loan I had to take out to get the car can't be transferred.”

“That sucks.”

“Yeah. And I have to pay the rent on my apartment. I used to share with Casey but he fucked off and left me with paying the whole thing.”

Was it possible to hate someone to death? Roxas wanted to try. “Leave. Move in with me.”

Axel laughed, loud and clear. “Nice one, Rox.”

“It’s not a joke. Stay here. It’s close to your work, and we get along.”

Axel stared, a confused look on his face. “I can't do that.”

“Why not?”

“I - for one you only have one bedroom.”

“Oh.” Roxas looked around himself. He hadn't thought of that. “I could -” he tried to think of a solution other than 'sleep in my bed with me’.

“I'm not gonna take your bed from you.”

“You wouldn't have to take it from me. We could - share?” Roxas said, tentatively. It was the first time that either of them had acknowledged their video and text message conversation from two weeks ago.

Axel laughed gently and quietly said, “That's another thing. I don't want to be taking advantage of you.”

“You're not.” But if he did Roxas wasn't one to mind.

“I am. You wouldn't be half as accommodating if you didn't like me.”

“Hey! That's offensive! I'm a super nice guy. I’d be the same with all my other friends if they were in the same kinda situation. I just wanna help you.”

“But moving in with you? That's - that's not what friends do.”

Roxas snorted and waved his hand about. “Clearly you have shit friends. My friend Sora put both me and my brother up for two months while we were starting our studies and looking for a place to rent. And you should see his place; a mouse has a bigger house.”

Axel gave him a skeptical look. “You sure?”

“Yeah. Use your lawyer superpower on me, go on.” Roxas leaned in and Axel did as well, wearing a smirk.

They were inches from each other. Roxas watched vivid green tracing his features and tried his hardest to ignore the flutter in his chest at their close and intimate proximity. 

Roxas licked his lips and green eyes flickered down and then back up when Roxas stopped the motion. 

Axel pulled away. “Okay, you're telling the truth.”

Breath had increased, and his heart was definitely thumping. Roxas leaned back and gave a self-satisfied smile. “So how about it?”

“Well,” he sighed, “There would be some matters to discuss. Clauses, exemptions, all drafted and written in clear terms.”

“Huh? Really? Can't we just say you're moving in and that's it?”

“It's not that easy-”

“What would you know about it? You didn't even know friends let their friends live with them when things get tough.”

Axel gave an unhappy smile. “I _am_ a lawyer. I've helped people deal with the fallout of not having proper roommate agreements.”

Roxas waved the remark off. “It'll be different with us.”

Axel chuckled and rolled his eyes. “So you really don't think we need to discuss what it would mean for us to be living together? What would it look like? What the contingency plan is if we don't get along? How much rent I would need to pay?”

“We can talk about that stuff, but we don't need to be all legal and lawyerish about it.”

“Lawyerish?”

“Yeah. You know, all crossing the t’s and dotting the i’s. You lawyers make your living from complicated. This doesn't have to be hard, y’know. You just live with me.”

Axel did not wear the look of a true believer.

“C’mon, humor me and give it a try.” Roxas gave his best smile.

“Well fine, let's just talk then. Please, address my worries.” Axel leaned heavily on his arm, waving his other hand to let Roxas know he had the floor.

Roxas ground his teeth a little over how unenthusiastic Axel was being. “Um, so… we’ll always get along, because we are two reasonable people, all mature ‘n’ shit, talking about stuff, like right now. And rent - don't you worry about that.”

“Roxas!” Axel scowled.

“What?” He felt embarrassment rising. The more he spoke the dumber he sounded to himself. He couldn't imagine what Axel thought of him. What was worse than thinking someone dumb?

“You're being awfully naive about this. You don't even know me and the myriad of annoying habits I could be hiding.”

Was naive worse than dumb? Quite possibly. “Name one,” he challenged.

“I talk aloud when I'm working, and I'm like always working when I get real busy.”

“So I'll wear earbuds.” If that was the worst Axel could do then them living together would definitely not be an issue. Roxas got off from listening to Axel talk, though he decided not to share that part.

Axel rolled his eyes. “What about the rent. There is no way I wouldn't pay to be living with you. I need to know I'm pulling my own weight.”

Having Axel around was enough for Roxas, but he didn't want to make Axel uncomfortable. “Ah, you could pay half? I only pay one-fifty a week. So seventy-five, I guess.”

“Make it a hundred and fifty and we might have a deal.”

“No. Why that much?”

“Food, electricity, and water.”

“Oh.” It made sense. “But that's too much.”

“Still cheaper than what I'm currently paying.”

Roxas mulled it over for a bit and then relented. “Okay.”

Axel looked at Roxas with a stern expression.

“What?”

“Somehow I don’t believe you.”

“What don’t you believe?”

“That you’ll let me pay that amount. This is why I want a legal binding document.”

“We don’t need one. You can pay your one-fifty.”

“Fine. If this does go ahead I’m holding you to it. My lease will be up for renewal in about two months. I'll make a decision by then.”

“Okay. You think on it, but don't get lawyerish about it, okay?”

Axel rolled his eyes in amusement. “Not gonna promise that.”

Roxas gave a grumpy frown. Quiet fell between them. Axel looked at his left hand and his expression grew more sour.

“What is it?” Roxas prompted gently.

“Just thinking about my situation. Casey's right. If I had taken bigger profile cases I would have paid my car off by now and had plenty in savings.”

Casey, Casey, Casey. Roxas was sick of hearing that name, “Why don't you take bigger jobs?”

“I always liked helping the little guy. The ones who get screwed over by the system. The higher up you go the more self-service and arrogant the clients become. And when you're at that level no one's gonna hire you unless you're even more of an asshole than them. And I don't know how to do that. I didn't wanna give myself up so I could be Casey's trophy.” Nose crinkled up with disgust.

Roxas did not like how much it sounded like Axel was still hung up about his ex. He very much doubted that the guy possessed a single good bone in his body. “How long were you together for?” It was the polite thing to ask, though he harbored much resentment over it.

“Two years.”

“Married?”

“No.”

“Really?” He hoped he didn't sound as relieved as he felt.

Axel gave a pained laugh. “Really. Man… I don't even wanna think about the divorce costs if we _had_ been.”

“But the rings.”

“They were promise rings. I don't know why I held onto -” Axel clicked his tongue. “No, that’s a lie. I held onto it for months to try and motivate myself to get up to Casey's level. But I never could. Maybe he’s right about me. I’m a loser.”

“No way! I think the level you're on now is great. You're like an awesome lawyer! Keep doing what you love. That's its own reward and you'll see, things will work out.”

“What're you drinking to make you such an optimist? You don't even know what I'm like as a lawyer.”

Roxas pouted. “For one, I'm not drinking anything. I've just learned from my brother and friends to be more optimistic.” Plus it was a lot easier for him to be optimistic for other people rather than himself. And if Axel felt better Roxas could definitely ham it up. “And secondly I hear things, you know.”

“You should get that checked out by a psychiatrist.” Thin lip quirked up.

Roxas feigned offense and lightly slapped Axel's arm. “Ha-ha! The things I hear come from real live people. Remember? I told you about this the day after - well you know.”

The lovely shape of Axel’s face tightened and hard edges lines dug in. “I honestly don't remember too much about what happened that day. Everything’s a bit hazy.”

“Oh. Well let me jog your pathetic memory -”

“Ouch. Mortal wound.” Axel clutched his chest. “I don't remember because my head's full of important lawyerish stuff.”

“Ah, I see. Makes sense now. See, goes to show how great and dedicated you are.” Roxas grinned and Axel turned his head away slightly, looking adorably abashed. “But anyway, so sometimes when I let people out they talked about you. All good things. They told me how awesome and professional you were with them. You made them feel better about the whole court process. And when I sometimes got people who asked for you coming in I told them they’re in safe hands. And even now I sometimes get people coming in, asking for you.”

Axel let those words sit with him for a moment. Head raised and eyes focused on Roxas. “Really?”

“Yeah. You're a great lawyer. A great guy.”

A sad smile graced Axel's face. “You're really sweet. Thanks, Rox.”

Roxas nodded and smiled but it fell away when Axel said, “So what about you?”

“What about me?”

“From what I remember you were pretty great at your job too. But… is that your dream job? Letting people in and out of car parks?” The cheek was unmistakable.

“Hey now! What if it is?”

“Nothing. But I think you could do so much more.”

“Aww. Nice save.”

Axel gave a toothy grin.

“It's a 'pay the bills’ kind of job. But if you must know I’ve got plans.”

“Oh?” Axel smiled and leaned in a little.

“Yeah, so the plan is to get into the police. But I don't have enough money or experience just yet. So I'm working my way into security and then one day, bam, bam!” Roxas let his finger pistols fly, “Uphold the law.”

“Police, huh.”

“Yeah, what of it?”

“Nothing. I think you’ll make the cutest, most non-threatening copper that criminals will ever meet.” Axel chuckled quietly.

So many emotions ran through Roxas. His mouth flapped until he settled on a very ambiguous, “Hey!”

Axel gave a knee-melting smile. “I mean that in the best way possible. You’ll look so unassuming that you’ll catch all the bad guys.” 

Roxas could definitely see the amusing side of that and laughed. “I apprehend them, and you make sure they get the jail time.”

Axel huffed with laughter. “Sounds like a great plan. You ‘n’ me, fighting crime - though me in a way less dangerous sitting-behind-a-desk kind of a job.”

“Sounds about right. Get me to do all the dirty, hard work while you get to be in a cushy office, pushing pens across paper.”

Axel looked very satisfied. “Someone’s gotta deal with the boring paperwork. Might as well be me.”

“Yeah, okay, I’ll give you that. I get enough of a headache having to fill out the monthly database.” Roxas grinned and in a moment of weakness couldn't stifle the yawn.

Axel clapped his hands. “All right. Even just the mention of databases is putting you to sleep. Off to bed with you. You got an early start.”

Roxas got up and stretched. “You lazy lawyers. I'm keeping car parks safe while you dream your life away.”

“Hey, it's still work.”

“How so? Sounds like bullshit. I'll get you a blanket and pillow,” he headed towards his room.

“I've had some of my best ideas while asleep, I'll have you know,” Axel informed.

“Aa-ha,” Roxas made sure he sounded as sarcastic as possible.

“It's true.”

“Sure, sure. Name one.” He gave Axel one final look before opening his door.

“Banana and mayonnaise on bread.”

Roxas grimaced. “Ewww, gross!” he went into his room, trying to hide away from the mere thought of that disgusting concoction. 

_“Don't diss it till you’ve tried it.”_

“Never!” he yelled from his room while trying to reach the spare bedding on top of his wardrobe.

 _“Well when I move in we'll be eating it all the time,”_ Axel yelled after Roxas.

 _“When_ , you say. Ahh," he teased and grinned to himself, pulling at blanket.

_“I meant ‘if’!”_

“Sure! I think You’ve just given yourself away. And you call yourself a lawyer. Ha!”

_“Whatever. I'm not moving in until you've tried it.”_

Roxas came back out, pouting. Axel had him there. If that's what it took to have Axel stay with him he was going to risk the disgustingness. But he wasn't going to tell Axel. Though Axel surely knew, if that smirk meant anything.

“You know… if you wanted to stay here before your lease runs out - to… give us a test drive or something, I wouldn’t mind. And because you wouldn’t technically be moved in I wouldn’t have to eat that thing, right?”

“I guess you wouldn’t.”

“Cool! So would you?”

“Would I what?”

“Want to stay here a few nights a week to see how much you can annoy me.”

Axel chuckled. “I'll think on it.”

“You ever think you do too much thinking?” He dumped the bedding on top of Axel.

Arms flailed around under bedding and tried to pull it off himself. “It makes me good at my job,” Axel muffled from under the blanket.

Roxas sighed and sat down.

Axel freed himself and responded to Roxas’ exasperation with, “Look, I just don't want to overstay my welcome.”

“You wouldn't be. Unless you stay here for a million years. I won’t have that, no way.”

“So I could stay for nine hundred ninety-nine thousand nine hundred ninety-nine days, but a million would be the cut-off point?”

“Yeah.”

“What if I begged?”

He crossed arms in front of himself and shook his head. “Not even.”

“Now that's what I’m talking about. At last some firm boundaries. Can I get that in writing?” Axel smirked and waggled his eyebrows.

“No way. It’s my word or nothing!”

“FIne then. Your word it is. Now would you be so kind as to get off my bed, good sir?”

“What if I don’t?”

“I'll have to remove you by any force necessary.”

Roxas grinned. “Go on.” He sprawled out.

Axel chuckled and crawled over the top of Roxas. How many fantasies had he had that started like this? Roxas couldn’t recall. He also didn’t have a chance to get too hot under the collar as knee and hand wedged between himself and the sofa. A big push and moments later Roxas was on the floor.

“You’re no fun,” he berated from the ground, looking up at Axel who was commanding the sofa.

Axel gave a proud smile.

* * *

 

Axel didn't stay over Monday night or Tuesday, but he did on Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday, going back to his place over the weekend. Axel returned the following week and the whole ritual started over again. Roxas was in heaven.

They had a lot of fun together but Roxas also got the picture that Axel needed to do a lot of reading and prep work for his cases once they had started to build up again. Roxas would watch Axel from the sofa, while Axel was perched on the bar stool using the kitchens island as his workstation.

Axel was fucking sexy with his hair all caught up in a loose ponytail and surprisingly enough wearing glasses. Maybe it was the tattoos and glasses in combination that tickled Roxas. He just couldn’t look away. And the way Axel chewed his pens made Roxas want to be between those teeth. Spending more time with Axel wasn't helping settle his libido. It made things harder, and that wasn’t in complete reference to his body’s reaction either. He couldn't moan Axel's name with reckless abandon anymore as he masturbated, which was a shame, but a small price to pay for having lots of contact with the man. Fantasy just never beat reality for Roxas. He got happily lost in staring at Axel and just being in the moment without his mind taking a wonderful flight of fancy.

But he cut back on his blatant staring once, not too long into their temporary living arrangement, Axel asked Roxas what he was looking at. 

Roxas hadn’t tried to hide it, though he was exceptionally embarrassed about it. “You,” he had said.

“Why? You should go do something fun. Put the TV on, you won't distribution me, it's okay.”

“Oh Ax, who's the terrible liar now? If I watch anything you’ll get sucked into it and get nothing done.”

Mouth opened to protest and then clamped shut. Axel gave a sheepish smile and rubbed his head. “Sorry for imposing on your space. I should just go home. Then at least I have a study and you can do stuff instead of being quiet.”

Roxas had a strong suspicion that Axel didn’t like being alone very much, especially when it came to being alone with his own thoughts in that apartment of his filled with memories, so Roxas was doing everything in his power to give Axel as little reason as possible to go back there. “No, no. You're fine where you are. I like watching you work. Very intense.” He smiled, trying his hardest to wash away Axel’s concerns.

Axel gave a small smile. “You wanna have a seat and help out?”

“Help out? I'm easily too dumb for that.”

“I'm sure you're not. I've been wracking my brain over this case for days now. I need a new angle but just can't - Casey used to be my sounding board. I used to talk at him and he'd throw stuff back at me and -”

Roxas threw a pillow, hitting Axel in the face. “Like that?” he laughed, but then turned silent when Axel removed the pillow and displayed a really pissed off scowl.

“M’sorry,” Roxas gasped.

“You should be!” Axel growled and sprang up. Still clutching the pillow he rounded the kitchen island and threw himself down on the sofa and on top of a shrieking Roxas.

Using the pillow Axel started belting Roxas with enough strength to leave an impact. Roxas scrambled for a cushion to defend himself with and retaliate when the opportunity arose. They rolled off the sofa with a thud and Axel was underneath Roxas. 

Roxas wailed on him until Axel screamed, “I surrender, I surrender!”

He stopped and looked down at Axel, who was huffing and smiling as much as Roxas was. 

“Mm, sweet victory!” Roxas discarded the pillow and lay down, resting on top of Axel's chest, head tucked into the space between shoulder and neck. An arm wound around Roxas’ lower back, supporting him and preventing Roxas from rolling off. Their breathing eased into a gentle, almost synchronized rhythm. Roxas didn't want them to move or speak, because it would burst the magic bubble of bliss he was caught in. 

The boundaries between what was an appropriate distance between them had started getting a little blurry over the week. Roxas didn't mind at all, and neither did it seem to bother Axel as was evident in their snuggle right now.

Roxas allowed his mind to go to the place it had visited a thousand times before Axel had properly come into his life, but where he had also tried really hard to steer clear of once it was established that Axel needed to have time for himself; he imagined they were boyfriends. That this was their life, and that the evening would end in passionate lovemaking.

He sighed happily, nuzzling a little closer to Axel’s warmth and damn fine smell. But the bubble burst.

“Can you let me up?”

“What if I said no?” Roxas asked the brazen question.

“Then I'll wither away and die, and you'll be slogged with a manslaughter charge, if not murder.”

“It's okay, I know a lawyer who’ll get me off.”

Axel huffed with laughter. “Get you off, huh?”

Roxas hummed, wishing it were true.

“If we're thinking of the same guy I think you're gonna be out of luck. I hear he’s gonna be dead real soon.”

Roxas didn't like that wording. It had only been about a month since Axel's attempt to end his life. But Roxas played along. There was no need to be so serious right now. “He's going to give me counsel from the other side. I'll host a seance.”

“You know how to?” Axel actually sounded intrigued.

Roxas lifted his head and looked at him. “I don't, but my friend Naminé does. She holds them for fun and also does it as a side hustle when carnivals and things come into town. Super fun.”

Axel laughed but then his whole demeanor changed and turned serious.

“What is it?”

“I think I just got an idea. Get up, babe.” Axel patted Roxas and he slid off, letting Axel get up and head back to his workstation where he furiously flipped through pages and started scribbling something.

Roxas continued to sit on the floor, staring up at Axel. He had just called him _babe_. Roxas tucked his lips in to keep the massive grin inside. 

* * *

 

Over time Roxas grew accustomed to being helpful to Axel where the man's caseload was concerned. Sometimes Axel would get stuck and Roxas would distract him, or listen to him ranting about the case at hand - after having been sworn to complete secrecy and confidentiality under pain of death. Other times Roxas merely ask things - what he thought to be - very obvious things, or talked about seemingly unrelated stuff and it somehow seemed to unclog Axel's brain, so Roxas was very happy to be of use.

His favorite moments were when they were spending time together though, away from any workload. They played video games together, talked about completely dumb stuff, went and saw movies, and attended pub trivia nights with Roxas’ brother and friends. It was pretty amazing.

They kept doing this week in and week out. Time flew by and eventually Axel's lease ran out. It was over a month since this happened but Axel was yet to move in with Roxas, who asked him about it occasionally. Axel stated he wasn't ready yet and that he was okay couch surfing on a few of his old non-law related friends couches over the weekend - since Axel never stayed over on Saturday night, and sometimes not even Friday nights. He had said that he didn't want to be a bother and that he also enjoyed hanging out with his old friends and reconnecting with 'quality’ people, as he had been advised to do by his psychologist before his free sessions had run out. So Roxas respected Axel’s approach to his own life and just enjoyed the time they did have together.

Sometime around mid-spring Axel offered to make dinner for Roxas, on a rare Friday night that he was actually over.

Roxas was happy with that and they chatted about their respective days, while Axel was making food and Roxas was playing a video game.

“Hm?” Roxas cocked his head towards Axel without taking his eyes off the screen.

“I said dinner’s ready.”

“That was quick. Let me - just - finish - this - round.” He furiously mashed buttons.

Roxas was done after a few more minutes and turned the TV off, hoping to get back into the game if Axel was going to be busy with work. He went to the kitchen island and sat down on a high-backed bar stool and looked over at Axel, who was still standing by the kitchen counter, looking very much like he was guarding the food.

“What is it? Doesn't smell like anything.”

“Turn back around and close your eyes. I want this to be a surprise.”

Eyebrows raised and Roxas did as he was asked. “Okay, sounds exciting.”

There was the sound of plates being picked up. Axel's bare feet quietly slapped against the tiles of the kitchen area and then the plates were being put down on the marble surface and some scraping of said plates against stone could be heard.

“Don't look until I say so.”

“Or what? You'll charge me with indecent exposure of my eyes?” Roxas sniggered. He had been doing some boring yet relevant reading regarding his future job as a police officer, at Axel's suggestion. He had said that it never hurt to be prepared, and Roxas definitely agreed.

“Not my job, sweetness. But I'll get you off them easy enough,” he laughed quietly, a hint of suggestive flirtation in his words.

Roxas could feel his insides flutter and tighten. There had been a lot more insinuations and flirtations coming back into the way Axel talked with Roxas. And Roxas was very happy about that.

Chair scraped against floor and Roxas could feel Axel's warmth at his side. “All right, supper is served.”

Eyes flung open and he looked down at… a white mess. He leaned down and looked at it closely. It was two slices of bread, some grilled banana and… . He sat back up straight, eyes wide and snapped his head to the side to look at Axel who wore a half-cocked, almost sultry smile.

“Is this - are you going to move in?” He did nothing to disguise his excitement.

“Completely up to you, but yes,” Axel leaned in slightly, his elbow moving closer to Roxas’ on the counter, and sultry smile growing in its sexiness, “I'm ready to live with you if you'll have me.”

Roxas barely stifled the moan. He wanted Axel. All of him, all the time. He frowned and looked back down at his plate, eyeing the white atrocity. “I’ve got to eat this?”

“I believe that was the deal, yes.”

“You say this tastes good?”

“It's amazing.” Axel grabbed his own bread of gloop and bit into it, toast crunching as he did so. Roxas watched as Axel enjoyed his creation and as tongue flicked out to lick at the white mess it left around his mouth.

Roxas quickly looked back at his meal, cursing how much mayonnaise looked like come and how much it made him think of Axel sucking him off and oh God, he just dove in and picked up the nasty looking thing and took a big bite of it with closed eyes.

The texture was weird and gloopy, just like it had looked. The banana was slightly charred and warm, as was the toast. There was a weird sweet and savoriness to the food. Roxas kept chewing, not sure what to make of it.

“You like it?”

“I don't know. I think it might grow on me?” Eyes unclenched and he took another bite. He wasn't a fan of banana on bread. Banana bread, sure, but banana on actual bread? “I think as long as we don't literally eat this more than once a year on something like your birthday I'll let you live with me.” He looked at Axel and licked at where he could feel the mayonnaise sticking to his lips.

Axel smiled and stared at Roxas’ motion for a fleeting moment. But not so fleeting that Roxas didn't notice.

“Yeah, okay, that seems fair.” Head turned back to his own plate.

Roxas laughed in his own head with triumph. Axel was probably thinking the same thing Roxas had just had running through his head. It seemed like fitting punishment for making him eat this weirdness.

“When’s your birthday? Just so I know when I need to brace myself,” Roxas asked.

“August eighth.”

“Oh cool! Mine’s on the thirteenth! We should totally do something together!” _Like each other_ , Roxas added in his mind.

“Yeah? Sounds great. So you're cool with me still moving in?”

“I'm eating this, aren't I?”

Axel laughed. “You sure are.”

“So you have your answer.”

“Great. So the next step is to talk about how we’re going to work this.”

“Oh - yeah. Um, you share my bed and I’ll hog less space in the bathroom.” Roxas grinned with mischief. They were a lot more comfortable around each other since the last time they discussed this, but Roxas was still fairly sure that Axel, while warming up to the idea of being with Roxas, was still not 100% there yet. But he figured it was good to test the waters.

Axel didn’t take the bait. “I thought maybe we could go shopping for a pull-out sofa bed.”

Roxas gasped and tried to keep his tone lighthearted, to distract from the disappointment he was feeling. “You saying my sofa isn't comfortable enough?”

“That's exactly what I'm saying.”

“Well fine. I've fallen asleep on that thing in the past and I don't even see how you've managed for this many months.”

“I'll send you my chiropractor bills.”

Both men sniggered.

“We can go shopping tomorrow. I’ll get a sofa bed, and a privacy screen, and a proper desk.”

“Where’re you gonna fit all that stuff?” 

Both of them looked out into the small living area.

“Desk can be butted up against the wall where the TV is right now. The new sofa can go up against the corner by the door, then if we move the TV stuff to face that you’ll be blocked off that way and the screen can go on the one open side and voila! You got yourself a mini-room. Oh, I’ll also get some proper blinds for the kitchen window.”

“Sounds like you’ve given this some thought.” Axel looked bemused, but also very happy as eyes returned to look at Roxas.

“Of course. I knew I’d get you to move in one day.”

“Oh, it’s all been an elaborate plan?”

“Yeah, they call it entrapment.”

“Oh, so you have been studying up,” Axel grinned.

“Yeah. All those lawyering words you use are slowly sinking in. Maybe I’ll be able to do your job for you one day.”

“Ahh, then I can take a nice long vacation.”

“Hey! You can’t go vacay-ing without me! That’s illegal.”

“Maybe you should draw me up a roommate agreement so I know what I’m in for and what is permissible and what isn’t.” Axel almost leered.

“No. No lawyering! We don’t need an agreement. All you need to know is that basically anything that’s fun you aren’t allowed to do without me.” Roxas nodded, righteously.

Axel seemed to think about that for a moment. Eyebrows slowly lifted and then he chuckled, slow and low. “That’s a bit cruel.”

“Why?”

“Because I do some _fun_ things solo.”

A bit of banana got stuck in Roxas’ throat and he coughed. It definitely was to do with the realization dawning on him as to what Axel was referring to. He hadn’t even thought of that. But in light of everything perhaps it was a bit cruel. “Well, that’s the law. As long as we’re together you gotta stick to the rule. When I’m out though you can have whatever fun you want.”

“Got it.”

Roxas was getting hot with just the thought of Axel beating off in his apartment. He needed a distraction. “Hey Ax,” he said, looking down at his nearly empty plate. He couldn't let it go. He wanted a concrete answer.

“Yeah?”

“Are you getting closer to being ready to maybe start liking me?”

“I already like you.”

“You know that’s not what I mean,” he glared up but quickly dropped the intensity and chewed his lips. This was the third time they had spoken about anything resembling a relationship between them in the four-ish months that this had been going on for.

Brow creased, and corner of lips dipped into a thoughtful frown. Axel began speaking after a little while, “I told you I'd let you know when I'm ready.”

Roxas turned to face Axel. “But if you moving in doesn't mean you’re ready yet… what will? Why aren't you ready now? I want to know, Ax. I want you so bad. I swear some days it hurts.” It was a little embarrassing to admit but Roxas was hoping it would somehow shift something inside of Axel in favor of Roxas’ wishes.

“You just want me for sex,” Axel stated flatly.

“No.”

“You do. We've been living together for months and now I'm moving in with you but it's not enough? You want to have sex.”

Roxas thought he could recognize Axel’s lawyer tone. The one he took when he was on the phone with his clients - Very blunt, stern, and non-threatening. It was thankfully nothing like the one he had when he was talking to the prosecution. That tone was scary. But it didn’t make him feel much better. 

Roxas ground his teeth a little. “Well can you blame me? You're crazy hot.”

A little amused huff left Axel.

“But no. You can't lawyer me. I don't wanna _just_ have sex with you. I want to hold you and be held by you and go on lame dates and, you know - do boyfriend stuff together.” Was it so much to ask for?

Axel stayed quiet, mulling things over. Fingers traced his empty plate when they found nothing to rub against where Axel’s ring used to sit. Eyes shifted up to meet Roxas. “I’m getting closer.”

Roxas groaned. “Can you tell me why we aren't there yet? I just want to know why. Make me understand. Is there anything I can do?”

A sad shake of the head and, “Just keep being your amazing self. There's… ,” he breathed out, almost hissing. “How do I put this without sound like an ass? I need to make sure things are right for me. To be honest I’m vetting you, making sure we can work together, because if I’m going to do this with you it will be for the long-term. I’ve learned a lot from the past and now I’m just making sure my schema isn’t taking me back to what I’ve left behind.”

Roxas didn’t get the last part but everything else he understood, and it left him reeling slightly. “You really see us -,” he swallowed, “long-term?” Had Roxas even thought that far ahead? Probably not, to be truthful with himself.

Axel gave him a gorgeous, soft smile. “I’m starting to.”

Roxas sucked in his lips, brows knit. He was totally going to cry if he didn’t do something. He launched forward, threw his arms around Axel and forcing him into a hug. Bar stools screeched a little and wobbled. Axel let out a sound of surprise but then Roxas felt arms reciprocate the hold.

“Does that appease my grand landlord?” Axel spoke into Roxas’ hair.

“Muchly. But for being so lawyerish you seem to have a big hole in your plan.”

“I do? Where?”

Roxas sat back into his chair so they could look at each other. Arms slid away but Axel held Roxas by the elbows, and Roxas held on firm to Axel’s forearms. Their legs were still entwined though.

“Well, how will you know if we’re compatible if we don’t have sex? What if we got on in every other aspect of life but that one? Shouldn’t we at least try first? I don’t know if I can commit to a dead-beat in the sack,” he grinned and waggled his eyebrows, hoping Axel would take up the challenge.

But what followed wasn’t the big laugh and toothy grin Roxas was expecting. Axel smiled, almost with distaste and minutely shifted away from Roxas. “Would you really dump me if that happened? Is sex that important to you?”

Grin fell away. Roxas shook his head. “No. No of course not. I mean, it _is_ important but… not that important. Look I’m just trying to say that the longer we don’t have it the more of a big thing it becomes, I guess. I just want you, Ax. I don’t want to wait. I’m gonna go crazy.”

“No one's ever gone crazy from not having sex. You’ll go more crazy from having it and catching something.”

Was Axel worried that he’d catch something from Roxas? Was he worried he’d _give_ something to Roxas? He couldn’t ask though. Axel was already onto something else -

“But I’m not gonna let myself get baited by you. We’ll have sex when it’s the right time and we’ll sort everything out when we get to it, okay?” Whatever serious tone Axel had before mellowed.

Though not ideal Roxas still liked that answer. He liked the ‘when’. “Hope it’s soon,” he sighed wistfully. 

Warm hand on his cheek drew Roxas’ eyes up. Axel said nothing but gave him a tender smile. Roxas looked away, because if he didn’t he was going to kiss Axel’s face off. He breathed in deeply. “So tomorrow we’ll go shopping for stuff, and before you say anything - I’m buying. I’ve been wanting to get a good sofa bed anyway because sometimes Ventus comes around and he kicks in his sleep so I want to banish him from my bed.”

“Is there any point in me trying to fight you on that?”

“Nup.”

Their bodies untangled and Roxas collected their plates. 

“Let me wash up, babe.”

“But you… yeah okay, nah, you can wash up. You hardly cooked anything,” Roxas conceded, leaving plates on the bench.

Axel chuckled and got up, tidying as he went. “So since I’m moving in will you finally start accepting my money? It’s getting a bit unsightly sitting in there. You could even use it to buy a new sofa.”

Roxas glanced at the fruit bowl sitting on top of the microwave. He had purposefully been ignoring it up until now, as it was a bone of contention between them.

Axel had been freeloading until now, which was what Roxas had strongly pushed for even though Axel had protested loudly and often. It had resulted in Axel having given Roxas cash, but Roxas had ignored it. Axel had kept piling money on the kitchen counter every week until it got so ridiculous that he put it all in a disused fruit bowl. Roxas had kept ignoring it.

“I keep telling you that the fruit bowl is your savings jar and since I’m buying the furniture the money won’t go to that,” he dismissed. “But yeah, I guess starting from this week I will accept your money. But not from that,” he nodded at the bowl. “I’ll text you my bank details.”

“Thank fuck.” Axel sounded over-the-top relieved.

“If you dare to transfer me more than seventy-five a week I’ll murder you. I don’t even care about the charges.”

Axel turned his head to glare at Roxas. “And this is why you should have let me draft a contract. The agreed amount was one-fifty. Verbal contracts are valid though tenuous contracts.”

“I’m pretty sure it was seventy-five.” Roxas slid off his chair and walked towards the sofa.

“If you don’t raise the amount I’ll transfer everything from the fruit bowl and more,” Axel threatened.

“I’ll send it back.”

“I’ll shut down my account so you can’t give it back.”

“I’ll cash it and stuff it into your suit pockets.”

“I’ll burn the suit.”

They glared at each other.

Roxas thought for a moment. “Well since you can’t be an adult about this we’ll have to have a wager.”

Axel laughed and resumed cleaning up. “What wager?”

“We watch my murder mystery show tonight and whoever guessed who the murderer is, has their pay-rate be accepted. My seventy-five against your one-fifty.” Roxas had been watching a lot of crime shows lately and thought himself rather good at detective work. It was something he was now looking into, and trying to find out what career pathway he’d have to take to get to that point.

“What if we both guess the same person?”

“Motivation. We have to guess the right motivation.”

Axel wiped his hands dry and walked towards Roxas. “Oh hon, you’re so gonna lose.”

Roxas didn’t care. He was too happy about the conversation they had just had and, also about all the pet names Axel has been dropping over the months. Sweetums, babe, sugar, honey, and his all-time favorite, Roxy baby. It all felt like things were moving in the direction Roxas wanted them to be heading. Though it was agonizingly slow. “So we have a deal?”

“Yeah, deal.”

“Seal it with a kiss?” he said, looking up at Axel, who came to a stop before him.

Axel huffed out quiet laughter and bent down. Roxas’ heart was all aflutter and he tilted his head up, puckering lips and closing his eyes. He felt a warm press of softness to his forehead, which made him pout.

“There, it’s sealed.”

“Unfair.”

“And that is why I’m gonna win tonight. You gotta learn to be specific. You catch people in the details.” Axel plopped down next to Roxas and the TV was turned on, displaying Roxas’ game he had been playing.

Roxas leaned forward, grabbing a spare controller. “Come fight me in game while we wait for me to mop the floor with you later.”

The fighting words were accepted and then later their bets were placed, with both of them guessing it was Paul the electrician, but with Axel saying it was because of Paul’s business partner jeopardizing their business over having an affair with a client's now-deceased wife, while Roxas declared it was because Paul was secretly in love with his business partner and had been driven to murder due to jealousy.

The show lasted a full hour. They had both started off on opposite sides of the sofa but Roxas had migrated over to Axel’s side in search of a pillow. He ended up lying with his back pressed to Axel’s chest, head nestled on pillow and in the crook of Axel’s arm, as Axel propped his head up with that arm to see over the top of Roxas’ head. Blanket had been pulled over them, Axel’s other arm was draped over Roxas’ side, tracing and rubbing idle patterns along his ribcage. 

It had been so comforting that Roxas fell asleep.

He awoke to the sensation of falling. Instinctively he turned towards the feeling of warmth and firmness. His wits only woke enough to register that it was Axel and he clung on.

“I’m putting you to bed, babe,” came Axel’s dulcet tone.

Roxas held on tight, feeling the cold of his bed and not wanting to lose the heat which Axel brought. “Who won?” he murmured into Axel’s chest.

“Neither of us.”

“What?” Roxas stirred a bit, waking up _slightly_ as cold mattress hit his back.

“Shh, shh. Stay down. We got the right guy, but not the motivation. It was an accident. Manslaughter.”

“Boo,” Roxas muttered. “We could commit better, more interesting crimes and make TV shows out of them.”

“That's what a narcissistic psychopath would say.”

“They make the best TV shows. Just look at reality TV,” Roxas muttered.

Axel’s rumbly laugh made Roxas draw closer to the heat source. He wrapped arms around Axel and held him firmly in place.

“Let me go, Roxy,” came the whisper.

Roxas chose to ignore it. “We’ll make a compromise and you pay the difference between your amount and my amount.”

Another laugh. “I think you mean I pay half-way between your amount and my amount.”

“I know what I said, I mean that, now shh, sleep.” Roxas pulled himself closer to Axel. The rigidness in Axel’s body remained for a few seconds and then relaxed. He almost melted into Roxas’ touch with how he softened and found ways to pull their bodies even closer together.

Sheets rustled, engulfing them both and Roxas had limbs around him and a kiss to his temple. He hummed happily and fell asleep quickly.

* * *

 

Roxas awoke with a tickle on his nose. He went to rub himself but couldn’t. Eyes opened to a field of red, obscuring most of his vision. He started noticing other physical sensations. There was a soft and gentle breath blowing on his upper chest. A weight was on his right side and his right arm had gone numb where Axel was sleeping on him. Roxas went to scratch his nose with his left hand, as Axel’s hair was unruly and went everywhere. 

He stayed still for as long as possible, absolutely loving having Axel nuzzled into his side and weight of limbs on top of him. It was bliss.

Eventually Axel did wake up with a stretch and nuzzle of his face into Roxas’ neck.

“Morning, Axel.”

Something that sounded like, “Morning, Roxy baby,” got muffled against skin.

Roxas rolled them so he was on top of Axel, which was just the best view as sleepy green eyes opened after several slow blinks.

He smiled down, softly. “Sleep well?”

Another bigger stretch followed. “Yeah. Haven't slept this well in forever,” Axel exclaimed loudly through the stretch.

Roxas ran his hands up and down Axel’s chest, loving what he felt there.

“Can you stop feeling me up?” Axel asked lightly, a smile forming on waking face.

Roxas didn't want to. “Make me.”

For a moment Axel seemed completely limp, but seconds later he snatched Roxas’ wrists and rolled them over, pinning Roxas’ hands down either side of his head.

Breathing quietly became a bit of a chore for Roxas as his body woke up to feelings of desire and excitement. Axel was straddling his hips and thighs and it was so close to everything Roxas had fantasized about. He just needed them both to be naked now.

“Axel,” he breathed out, craning his head up a little and pushed his hips and firming erection upwards. “Please, I want you.”

Axel bit his lip. He seemed to really struggle for a moment and then got off Roxas, and sat beside him instead.

Roxas’ head dropped back against the pillow. “Sorry. Morning horniness,” he said in a far cooler tone.

“Is it gonna be a problem in the future or could you reign it in?” Axel asked, gruff with sleep and maybe also a bit of repressed desire on his end.

Head flopped to the side so he could see Axel. What was he implying? Hope fluttered. “Oh yeah, I can totally reign it in if this is gonna be a regular thing. Is it?” 

“Maybe.”

“Not that I'm complaining but… what changed?”

Axel rubbed his face and then chin as he yawned. “I want to make you happy without us going quite _that_ far. I'm thinking if I give you more affection you might feel less - like you're gonna die or explode or whatever.”

A smile grew on Roxas’ face and then stretched into a big grin. It coaxed a big smile out of Axel as well. Roxas was really glad that they had the conversation yesterday. He tried not to gloat about it.

“Thanks. Hey, let's have breakfast and then we go shopping.”

In the end they bought a sofa bed, because Roxas hadn't been lying when he had said he needed one, especially if Axel was going to be in his bed more often now. Ventus had a weird habit of popping around whenever he felt like it.

They also found a sturdy desk that Axel liked with a low enough price that he didn't take issue with Roxas buying it, and they also found a small standing screen to help divide the room and give an air of privacy.

The furniture wasn't delivered until the following weekend. Axel slept on the sofa every night, which made Roxas sad but he didn't comment on it. He was happy enough with Axel being more touchy-feely like he said he would be.

He would pull Roxas towards him when he wanted to show him something, sometimes resting his chin on Roxas’ shoulder and speaking into his ear, which gave Roxas the best shivers. Roxas was also pulled onto Axel's lap when they watched or played stuff on the TV. Arms around his waist and body against his back was just the best.

When the furniture did arrive Roxas held a quick commemoration ceremony before getting the old sofa out onto the curb to have it be taken to sofa heaven.

They moved furniture around like Tetris pieces, seeing where everything would fit best. Turned out Roxas’ initial idea was pretty close to ideal. Roxas disassembled his electronics from the TV cabinet and when it was all bare they moved it. Axel was tasked with vacuuming while Roxas rewired everything in a way that wouldn't look like a complete mess, since the wires would now be seen with the new position of the cabinet.

Armed with a bag of cable ties Roxas looked up from his work when the sound of vacuuming stopped nearly as soon as it had started.

Axel was squatting, looking at something on the floor.

“Everything okay? Did you find a weird dead bug?” Roxas got up and approached.

“Not - quite.”

He bent down when he reached Axel and saw it instantly. It was the gold ring Axel had thrown away the night of his suicide attempt. Bad feelings engulfed Roxas. He wished he had gone looking for it and thrown it out.

They stared at it for a while.

Solemnly Roxas said, “One ring to rule them all, one ring to find them.”

Looks were exchanged.

“Sorry,” he said, looking back down at it.

“One ring to bring them all, and in the darkness bind them,” Axel finished off with the same gravity in his voice that Roxas had brought before.

A smile tugged at Roxas’ mouth.

Axel’s hand reached out and thumb and index finger gingerly touched it. They both stood up and looked at the ring in Axel's palm.

“What're you gonna do with it?”

A stern expression was all Roxas got out of Axel.

“We haven't really talked about how you’ve been doing, emotionally I mean. How are you, Ax?”

Brow furrowed deeper and then Axel shifted his head to look at Roxas. A smile softened him completely and free hand reached out, cupping Roxas’ cheek. “A lot better. I'm happy at work again. I can see a way out of my financial mess. Home life - well it's near perfect.” Thumb rubbed at the apple of Roxas’ cheek before slipping off Roxas, who could feel himself blushing.

“So destroy the ring. Cast it back into the fiery chasm from whence it came.”

Axel snorted. “You're such a nerd.”

“You're an even bigger one for knowing that I'm a nerd.”

Axel's smile fell away as he looked back at it. “I should resell it at the very least. It didn't come cheap. Nothing Casey ever expected or wanted was.”

“Yeah, then do that.”

“Yeah, I will.”

But Axel didn't. Roxas caught him from time to time looking at it. Once he even saw him wearing it. That had made Roxas angry. He bumped straight into Axel and pretended that Axel was invisible until the ring came off.

Axel had some fun with that for a while until the novelty of 'floating’ mugs before Roxas’ face had worn off. He went back to keeping it in his pocket and fondling it, to which Roxas’ response was to make 'gollum’ sounds in his throat and hiss, 'my precious,’ in Axel's ear when he caught him in the act.

At some point in early summer Roxas no longer saw Axel with the ring, but he couldn't be sure if Axel had actually gotten rid of it or was still keeping it somewhere. Roxas sadly couldn't trust Axel's word, as he had said many times previously that he had sold it.

But it wasn't all Mt. Doom and gloom in the land of their shared accommodation. Occasionally they fell asleep together on the pull-out when they were having a movie marathon or TV binge-a-thon, but usually, and more frequently, they ended up in Roxas’ bed. Particularly as Axel got rather lazy having to fold the sofa back up every morning, no matter how easy it actually was.

Eventually, as the heat of summer took hold they were sleeping together on a nightly basis. The warm weather meant that Axel slept with naught but sleep shorts and Roxas was pretty sure he was doing it on purpose to tease Roxas. Every time Roxas expressed in no uncertain terms how agonizing it was to see Axel shirtless Axel just smirked.

“I'll molest you in your sleep one day. Lick your nipples, and bite your clavicle,” Roxas threatened.

“You respect me too much to molest me.”

And of course Axel was right. 

But he still wanted Axel, very badly. Laying next to the man did many things to him. Axel seemed immune. Roxas didn't feel anything pushing against him when they woke up with Axel spooning him. But for Roxas… well. He didn't know how to get Axel back - how to make the man suffer. He tried going to bed with nothing but his boxers. He ran tentative fingers down Axel's arm. Axel never gave anything away. The only response Roxas could see Axel having were the goosebumps on arms.

So Roxas just dealt with his desires the only way he could. He furiously masturbated in the shower every morning when he woke up with a hard-on.

He didn't know how much longer he would have to wait. He didn't know how much more he could take, particularly after Axel managed to get himself a little shitbox of a car. He was very proud of its fading and paint chipped body. Very happy with the way the gears crunched in the transmission box, and ecstatic about the rattle the carburetor produced when he drove the speed limit. It was all Axel's and he had every right to love his shitbox. 

But having a car meant trouble because Axel could, and did take Roxas out, and when they did they had a lot of fun… but those times also made them feel too close to a date without any of the more intimate details of a date. Yes, they had gone out to watch movies before but… things just felt different and more intense when it was just them in the little shitbox, belting out words to songs neither of them knew. So after one very awkward time where they stared into each other's eyes for too long, and leaned in too much they decided - though not really Roxas’ first decision to be honest - to hang out with friends groups to take the tension away. 

The more time they spent together the more Roxas didn't understand what Axel was waiting for. But waiting is all he could do, and at least - other than no kissing or sex - they were as good as dating already anyway.

But damn, he wanted more. He wanted to know in no uncertain terms that Axel wanted him as much as he wanted Axel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***** It wasn't subtle at all, lol! I highly amused myself with it.


	3. Everything Changes, For Better or Worse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you were wondering where the 'explicit' in this fic lies... it's all in this bit. The big pay off! I, in fact, went overboard because why the hell not.
> 
> Explicit content below.
> 
> Enjoy :)

Roxas arrived home to bad news one day in late July. It wasn't really bad news, but Axel made it sound like it was the end of the world.

“I'm home. How was your day?” he called into his apartment as he closed the door behind himself.

“My life’s about to completely change, Roxy,” came Axel’s woeful call.

It completely baffled him. When he had seen Axel leave for the day he had received the same smile and wave that Axel gave him every day. Maybe it had even been _more_ energetic than usual, so the dramatic tone right now was baffling.

Roxas honed in on the voice. Axel was sprawled on the sofa with arm draped over his face. He rushed to Axel's side, kneeling down. “What's wrong? What happened?” He gave Axel a look over to see if he could spot any physical ailments.

“I listened to you.”

Roxas gave a confused, “Huh?”

Arm raised, revealing green eyes. “I got my foot stuck in the door.”

Roxas quickly crawled to Axel’s legs and looked at sock covered feet. “Does it hurt? Are you okay?”

Axel laughed and sat up suddenly. “You’re so sweet.” He shoved hands under Roxas’ arms and pulled him onto his lap.

“Your foot!” Worry laced his tone.

“It’s not that kind of a jam in the door.”

“It’s not?” Roxas still looked down and saw feet wiggling. Eyes returned to Axel. He felt completely lost.

“It’s not.”

“Stop being cryptic and tell me what’s wrong.” He whacked Axel lightly on the shoulders and kept his hands there.

“Okay, okay,” Axel grinned and slid his hand up Roxas’ body, cupping his cheek. “You’ve been gorgeous and wonderful, from the first day I met you.”

“Is that what's wrong? Should I be an asshole?” Roxas looked at Axel, eyes wide and pushing back a little.

A small chuckle sounded. “No, sweety.”

“Then what’s going on? This isn’t… like you.”

“You saying I never say nice things about you?”

“Oh you do, but - this feels different.”

“Let me finish telling you.”

“Okay, tell me.”

“So you have been really supportive and I’m so glad you convinced me to stay at the courthouse.”

“I didn’t -”

“Shh,” finger went to lips. “You did, in your own way. I’ve been fighting with myself, not knowing what to do. You believed in me, you reminded me of what good I can do when I thought that nothing I did mattered anymore, when the world was too painful and I didn’t see a point in it anymore. And some days I still - well some days I still have shit days, but you pick me up. Being with you is - well it’s like air.”

“Everywhere? Cold? Dry? Colorless and without any texture?”

Axel guffawed and rubbed at his eyes with the hand that wasn't currently on Roxas, playing with his bangs. “No babe, you're life supporting.” Axel picked one of Roxas’ hands off his shoulders and kissed the palm.

Roxas gulped. “You sure you haven't hit your head?”

“Very. I'm just super happy. Things are finally turning around for me and I feel like you're in part responsible for keeping me on the path that I wanted to be on, and that path lead me to today.”

Roxas was bursting to know what was going on, but he stayed mute. He seemed to keep derailing the conversation, making his worried anticipation drag out the story to painful levels.

“You're not gonna ask me what happened today?”

Roxas screamed half-heartedly. Axel was having a field day. “What happened! Tell me!” He shook Axel's shoulders.

“I got headhunted by Fairway Legal.” Roxas’ confused stare made Axel elaborate. “They're a benevolent society helping people who are in legal trouble. It's basically a non-for-profit charity. The actual organization is Radiant Peace. Fairway Legal is a subsidiary. Anyway the point is this means a way better salary for me and a load of benefits. The organization has championed some high profiled causes, has a bunch of philanthropists to bankroll them and if I had given up when I wanted to none of this would have been possible.”

Roxas wore a big grin and felt himself close to tearing up with relief by the end of it. He definitely understood that this was like a dream come true for Axel. “I'm so fucking happy for you!” Hands slid off shoulders and down Axel's back as Roxas leaned in to hug him.

Axel reciprocated in an almost rib-crushing show of strength. “Me too, Roxy baby, me too!”

Roxas pulled out of the hug and punched Axel in the shoulder. A laughing, “Ow,” sounded.

“What's with all the bullshit melodrama then?”

“I just wanted your sympathy.”

“Why? This is like the best news ever.”

“Well it is, but it also means a lot of stuff is gonna change for me. For one I won't be working close by anymore. The office is clear across the city. I'll probably end up working late when I get put on big team cases and there might be travel involved.”

“Oh.” His heart sank.

Axel slid fingers under Roxas’ chin to turn his head back towards himself. “But it's also very good news.”

“Yeah, yeah, definitely!” Roxas dug a smile up for Axel. “We should celebrate. Let me go shower and change. We can eat out or go to the supermarket to buy pop tarts and get some bananas to make your gross banana-mayo thing if you wanted to stay in.”

“I thought you liked my _gross banana-mayo_ thing,” Axel said all in good cheer.

“Oh - oh no. Honey bunny, no. I never said anything like that. I ate it to entrap you in my lair,” he said as seriously as he could.

Axel gave a tremendous laugh which shook Roxas, sitting on his lap. “You never needed to eat that. I would have always stayed.”

“Oh _now_ you tell me.” He rolled his eyes and more gorgeous laughter rolled out of Axel. It was amazing to hear. “You're really happy,” he observed, soft smile on his face.

“Yeah. Life's just about perfect.” 

“Just about?”

Axel hummed. Hands lightly rubbed along Roxas’ waist, and hungry eyes trailed over Roxas’ body.

Could he try again? Would Axel reject his advances? He hadn't tried in a while. There was only one way to find out. “Let's celebrate,” Roxas got out in an octave lower than his usual cadence, and nudged his hips forward. “I want to suck you off and swallow you down. I want Axel mayo in my mouth.”

The desire on Axel’s face faltered and he laughed. “You were sexy until that last bit.”

“Shush,” he put his finger on Axel’s lips and traced lightly. “I still remember how you looked at me when I ate your gross invention.” 

Head tilted back against the sofa, and Axel’s breath was a little more rapid. “You looked at me the same way.”

Roxas closed the distance between them, and breathed the words, “I want you, you know that,” into his ear before nipping at earlobe.

Axel groaned and pushed Roxas away. “No. Not yet.”

Roxas slumped and playfulness slipping away. “Why not? What’s wrong? Is it me? If you’re not into me just tell me already.” By this point Roxas didn’t get it. “I’m not dirty. I’ve only been with two guys in the past and I got myself checked out for STI’s. I’m clean, if that’s what’s making you stay away.”

“No, no, babe, it’s not you. It’s so not you. You’re sexy and cute and any guy’d be lucky to have you.” Axel said hastily, grabbing hold of Roxas’ wrists.

“Bullshit.” He shook his arms, loosening Axel’s grip from him. “I keep throwing myself at you and you still won’t take me. I’m not even asking you to fuck me right now. I just want to give you a blowjob. Who turns down a blowjob?”

Axel looked uncomfortable. “I - it’s not - it’s just - you - I -” 

Roxas stared and then clapped his hands on either side of Axel’s face. “What is it?”

“Nothing.”

“What is it?”

“Babe.”

“Don’t babe me. What is it? And I swear if it’s not a believable answer I’m walking out and sleeping at my brothers tonight.” Roxas all but shouted and slid off Axel’s lap, glowering down at him.

“Roxy, don’t make a big deal out of it.” Hand reached out, aiming for Roxas’ wrist, but Roxas pulled away.

“Big deal? You’re the one making this massive by not telling me what’s going on! I’m sick to shit hearing your denials and deflections! So out with it!”

Axel’s face sunk. “It’s embarrassing.”

Axel’s demeanor did not dowse Roxas’ frustrated rage. “What have _you_ got to be embarrassed about? You’ve never had sex? Can’t get it up? Diseases? Weird spot? Small dick? What?” he barked.

Eyes clamped shut, “The last one.” Axel stood up, bumping against Roxas as he rushed to the far side of the room to the kitchen.

Roxas stared after Axel. Confusion finally tempered his fury. Had he heard right? Small dick? “What?” Roxas followed Axel, standing next to the man when he reached him. “You’ve got a small pecker?” He laughed. “Axel, don’t let that - is that why we haven’t fucked before now? Because you’re worried about something silly like that?”

Axel winced at everything Roxas had said. He gripped the sink tight and kept his head bowed. “Even you fucking laugh at me. How’m I being silly?”

It was like a blow to the chest. Roxas clapped hand over his mouth. “I’m sorry,” he muffled. Hand dropped away and he tried again, with hand going to the small of Axel’s back, “I’m sorry for losing it just now. I’m… sorry for having laughed.” Why was Axel like this? A penny dropped. He wondered if Axel’s good-for-nothing ex was to blame for this shit.

“I know that you want me, Rox. I know that you look at me - my height - and hands and you - have this picture of me in your head,” Axel said, sounding pained.

It was true, Roxas couldn’t deny it. But he didn’t understand the what and why of Axel’s logic. “If you’re so sure that I’m going to reject you then why are you even here? Were you just going to keep stringing me along?”

“No. I was going to tell you, but not like this. I had a whole thing planned for two weeks from now for our birthday weekend. I was going to take you out somewhere really nice and we’d talk and flirt all night long. Then we’d come back here and I’d show you all my moves - show you that I can make you feel good in so many different ways that by the time we got to my dick you wouldn’t care anymore. You’d like me for me, and then my defects wouldn’t be a problem,” he finished, sounding on edge.

It was so ridiculous. Roxas slid his hand up to Axel’s shoulder, trying to turn the man to face him a little more. “Two weeks? What difference would two weeks make? I already like you for you. I've liked you for you since the day I laid eyes on you. If you're still so worried you should just show me all your moves right now. Not that it even matters. I don’t care what… defects,” Roxas didn’t like saying that, “you might have. I love you and nothing could make that go away.”

“Love? You - _love_ me?” Axel turned his head, casting a cautious glance at Roxas.

“Yes, love, you big dumbo. I love you. I’ve loved you for ages. You don’t have to prove yourself to me or whatever you think you need to do. I’m not like your ex. I don’t care what car you drive or how you dress. Burp and fart in front of me all you want, I wouldn’t care.”

“You’d try to let a bigger one rip to spite me,” Axel chuckled slowly.

“Exactly.” He smiled and took Axel’s hand off the sink ledge and held it firm with both of his, making Axel turn a little more towards him. “So please, just let me suck you off. Today’s your big day. Your near perfect day. Let me make it perfect for you.”

Axel looked at Roxas, at their hands and then over to his desk. “I wanted to make our birthday weekend special.”

“Forget that. Let’s make tonight special.”

“I have something to give you though.”

“Is it your dick in my mouth? ‘Cause that’s all I want.”

“No. It's - I wanted everything to be special and perfect,” he said, unable to look at Roxas.

“Right now is special and perfect, if you go with the moment. That other stuff you want to do… we can still do it that weekend. But I want you now. I don’t want you to think that whatever romantic thing you’ve got planned is what will make me love your tiny dick. I already love it. I already love you, so let me prove it to you.” Roxas tugged lightly on Axel’s arm to see if he would budge.

Axel grimaced.

Roxas frowned. “Isn't there something about the evidence speaking for itself? Let me see the evidence of your shortcomings. I don't want to hear what other witnesses have to say, I just want the bare facts and your bare butt. So let it speak to me and then I'll be the judge of what I think of it.”

A smile tugged on Axel's lips, but he didn't let it loose. It took three tries of Roxas gently pulling before Axel let go of the sink and let himself be taken towards the bedroom.

“Now I know how my clients must feel when they get dragged before the judge in court,” Axel muttered as they went.

“You're in luck though. Judge Roxas is deeply biased in favor of you, and he can definitely be bought off with a good head or rimjob.”

Axel laughed, but it sounded nervous.

Roxas closed the bedroom door behind them and tugged Axel along. “Don’t be so nervous. Insecurity doesn’t become you.” The look on Axel’s face - that of mortification - didn’t change. “I’ll have you know sucking you off is one of my big three sex fantasies about you.”

“It is? You’ll be disappointed.” The hope and inquisitive tone in Axel’s voice had extinguished in the same breath.

“It is and I won’t be.”

He pushed Axel to sit on the edge of his bed and turned the bedside light on, washing the room in warmth. He then straddled Axel’s lap, leaned on shoulders with forearms and tipped forward. “I’m going to kiss you now and it’s gonna start everything off, all right?”

Warm breath hitting his face was all Roxas got out of Axel. He pushed his lips against Axel’s and stayed like that. As far as first kisses was concerned this was a weird one in how little was happening.

“I’m gonna stay like this until you kiss me back,” Roxas mumbled against Axel. He felt the flicker of a smile and then - Axel tilted his head, slotting against Roxas’ mouth a little better. Big hands slid up Roxas’ thighs, and gently rested on his hips.

Roxas smiled as he moved with Axel, turning tentative kisses into sure ones. Roxas hummed with pleasure and worked one hand into red locks, tilting Axel’s head up slightly so he could get a better angle. Axel’s mouth opened a fraction. Roxas swept his tongue along the outer edges and caught a bit of tongue flicking out to greet him. 

The touch was alluring and electric. It seemed to kick start Axel’s desires into full gear as he opened wider and delved into Roxas’ mouth. Arms rose towards Roxas’ waist and tightened there as Axel’s hunger and passion ignited.

Both gasped and hummed with pleasure. Roxas worked hands down Axel’s torso, to the hem of his shirt and then lifted it up and off Axel, breaking their kiss.

“I’m going to kiss you everywhere I’ve wanted to for the last year and a half,” he murmured and began by leaving a tender kiss on lips and working his way down Axel’s body from neck, to shoulders, pecs, and taking a long detour at nipples.

“Roxy,” Axel moaned slowly. Hands were seeking out warm, bare flesh by dipping under clothes.

Roxas pulled off one pert nipple and slid down Axel’s lap and onto the ground, licking and kissing Axel’s abdomen and continuing to move down further. He played around with Axel’s zipper, slowly pulling it down and revealing boxer briefs underneath. He gave Axel a smile. “Stand up for me, babe.”

Axel hesitated a moment.

“I love you, Ax. Nothing can ever change that. So relax. I’ll make you feel amazing on your special day.”

“You’re taking pity on me.”

Had Axel always been so self-conscious? Roxas didn’t think so. It just showed him what a very sensitive subject this was for him. “No. Where’s the evidence for that? And your thoughts don’t count. They are the enemy here - the prosecution. And I’m your defence team, so listen to me, okay? I wanna suck you off, Ax. Take everything your cock can give me. I wanna swallow you all up and then… well maybe you can help me too, because I’m going to need a good beating off after this.”

“Wow.”

Roxas smiled up at him. “Now stand up for me, baby,” he coaxed gently.

Axel shook his head in disbelief and breathed out, “Why’re you so convincing?” 

“I learned from the best.” Roxas smiled up warmly. He had learned so much from Axel. He was more confident because of Axel's support and belief in him. A huge overweening feeling came over him in that moment. Roxas wanted to be Axel's support, be his cornerstone and make the self-doubt fizzle away. “I'll make you feel safe. Now stand up for me,” he said gently, fingertips tickling at Axel's flesh.

Axel finally did.

Roxas hooked his fingers underneath Axel’s clothes and pulled pants and underwear down quickly, not wanting to prolong Axel’s pain. He didn't have time to look or see anything though as Axel sat back down quickly and crossed his legs.

Roxas gave Axel a warm smile. “Relax. Be confident. You’re sexy.” He stroked the top of Axel’s thighs, kissed knees, and waited.

Slowly Axel uncrossed himself and stared up at the ceiling. Roxas let his eyes linger on the complete picture of Axel's nakedness. He had imagined this for so long that he wanted to savor it for a little bit. But he was also aware of Axel's discomfort, so hurried in drinking up the naked body before him. 

Eyes finally arrived at Axel’s penis. Yeah, it wasn’t as long or thick as his porn-addled imagination had envisioned but as long as it worked… which right now didn’t seem to be the case… . Roxas ran hands up thighs, rubbed at hip bones and then pushed Axel’s legs apart and shuffled in between them. “Forget what other people have said about you and listen to me.” He kissed the inside of Axel’s thigh, working towards groin and mumbled, “You’re sexy, Ax. I love you. I want you. All of you.” He looked up to see Axel managing a glance down at him and wearing a thin smile. 

Roxas treated Axel’s penis with gentle reverence. He carefully wrapped his fingers around soft flesh and placed a kiss to the slit. The quiet intake of breath above was gorgeous. He ran his tongue over every inch of flesh. He explored the ridges and folds with his fingers, tickled and fondled Axel’s sac and then looked up into uncertain pools of green. “You’re beautiful,” he whispered and still smiling took Axel into his mouth and began sucking.

The softest moan left between Axel’s parted lips. Hands unclenched and moved from mattress onto Roxas’ shoulders, gently touching, rubbing and moving into Roxas’ hairline while Roxas bobbed his head up and down with growing intensity. 

Roxas hummed with pleasure. Axel’s more relaxed state allowed for his arousal to finally take shape and turn into what Roxas’ fantasies had been after with every firm suck and massage of tongue against flesh. Each time Roxas pulled off he found an extra inch to take back in as Axel got deeper into his enjoyment. Moans grew lower, longer, louder. Hips rhythmically pushed Axel’s shaft further down Roxas’ throat.

There came a point where Roxas pulled off completely and just looked over Axel from top to bottom.

Nervous eyes found Roxas. “I’m sorry, I’m gross.” Axel made to get up but Roxas’s hands locked onto hips, keeping him in place.

“You’re not. You’re gorgeous and beautiful and sexy and… completely normal. Your erection is completely normal and fuck, Ax, I can’t wait for you to fuck me with it.” He quickly lifted himself up to kiss Axel on the lips. But before he could duck back down arms ensnared him, making their kiss and exploration of each others mouths linger for several moments more.

On being released from the kiss and tight embrace Roxas said, “Come into my mouth, Ax. Let me taste the mayonnaise from your banana.” He pecked Axel’s cheek and went back down on Axel, grinning like a fool while Axel laughed above him.

Axel leaned back on his hands, thrust head back and seemed to finally, really be enjoying himself. “It's still not sexy, no matter how many times you say it.” 

Roxas hummed around Axel’s shaft which made the laughter out of Axel hitch a little. Roxas checked on Axel a few times and each time green gaze was held for longer, and the look of pleasure intensified. Roxas’ body was alight with desire. He wanted to touch himself so badly while going down on Axel, but he reserved that right for Axel. He really hoped he wouldn’t be left high and dry.

Axel kept moaning and placed gentle touches over any place he could reach. “Fuck, you’re amazing with your mouth. I'm getting close, babe. I’ll make you love my gross banana-mayo thing.”

Roxas had to stop his motion to chuckle for a moment and then resumed. He sucked harder, took Axel deeper, fondled his sac, and hummed more. Axel was a waterfall of sounds, each one hitting Roxas the right way. He wished they were fucking right now. He wanted to come along with Axel, but that would have to wait.

The salty taste Axel’s erection leaked out became stronger. His head pulsated a little against Roxas’ tongue.

“Roxy, baby,” came the warning groan moments before Axel spilled into Roxas’ mouth. Roxas swallowed the unique flavor that was Axel. He kept sucking, and moaning along with Axel’s grunts. He hugged Axel's hips tightly and then pulled off him and kissed damp skin once orgasm had abated.

Tired arms touched Roxas and tugged him upward. Roxas crawled back up and lips were instantly on his, tongue pushing in and moans of satisfaction flooding out. Roxas was suddenly rolled over and staring up at his ceiling. Kisses rained down on his neck. Shirt was pulled up and stomach was accosted in the sweetest way possible while Axel pulled Roxas’ pants and underwear down, with Roxas’ help of lifting his hips a little.

“You happy for me to go down on you?” Axel’s gruff post-climax voice asked.

How long had he been waiting for this? Roxas groaned and thrust his hips up. “I’ve been ready since I met you. Please, Ax. Take mmmmm… ,” Roxas’ eyes rolled into the back of his head as heat engulfed his throbbing erection. Soft yet firm tongue rubbed him just the right way. It danced and swept across his slit and head. Roxas breathed out sharp breaths. He did not want to come. He wanted to have Axel between his legs forever. Long, elegant fingers swept over his abdomen and found their way to Roxas’ sides, stroking ribs and making Roxas squeal. He wrapped his legs around Axel’s head, squeezing, making Axel suck harder.

“God, Ax! Fuck me. I love you, fuck me.”

One hand left Roxas’ side, traveling up, touching his lips. Roxas opened his mouth, fingers gently pushed inside and he sucked on the digits, not sure what Axel was doing, but once moistened fingers left and then pushed around his backside Roxas gasped. Was Axel going to -?

One finger found his anus and gently probed. Roxas moaned in anticipation. He felt the throb inside his body strengthen. Finger pushed in - and out - hooked around and stretched. Hot mouth was sucking intently on his head. Second finger pushed in. Roxas hissed. He hadn’t been penetrated in so long. Hips pushed up, penis went deeper into Axel’s mouth. The rumble from the man between his legs made the knots in his gut tighten. Fingers pushed in and out, stroking and fondling and - “Fuuuuuuuuuck,” Roxas groaned. 

Axel pulled off Roxas. Fingers kept hitting that spot. A gentle kiss landed on Roxas’ abdomen and then heat enveloped his erection again making his eyes roll back. He clutched at bedsheets. Tears gathered at the edge of his eyes. “Fuck, so good - more - more, Ax. Fuck,” he panted, but he couldn’t hold on much longer. Months of imagining this had taken its toll on Roxas.

A few more strokes, sucks, and murmurs and Roxas felt the signs of his familiar release, but it was so much better. So much hotter. So much more, “ _Axel_ ,” Roxas came, his body seizing up with pleasure. The sucking continued and slowly became gentler. The ringing in Roxas’ ears ceased. He panted heavily and then a warm body was pressed next to him and fingers raked through his hair.

“Did you like my banana-mayo?” Roxas panted.

Husky laugh sounded in Roxas’ ear. “I loved it. I love you.”

Roxas rolled over slightly and kissed Axel. He drowned in the slow and sensual caresses of fingers and tongue. They continued to make out deep into the night.

* * *

 

When Axel had said he would be busy he hadn’t been exaggerating. He came home way late and was gone even before Roxas was up getting ready for his job. When Roxas thought he could spend time with Axel over the weekend it also didn’t pan out, as Axel was busy working then too. Roxas didn’t say anything. He left dinners out for Axel with love heart post-it notes attached to the containers and hugged Axel’s warm body close to himself when he awoke to find Axel next to him at night. He wanted to be as supportive of Axel as possible, given that this was something that Axel had really needed and wanted in his life.

But on the 8th of August, when Axel had made a point of coming home early on account of it being his birthday, Roxas couldn't keep it inside anymore. He had to say something.

“How much longer?” He grimaced into his nearly finished meal of beef stroganoff. Up until this point he had been cheery, listening to Axel’s day, but the thought of Axel going back to work the next day for more of the same was too much.

“I’m sorry, Roxy.”

“How much longer?” he glared up. “I don’t even see you on weekends anymore.”

“I know. It really sucks. I’ve been busy finishing off my caseload at the courthouse, that’s why I’m not here on weekends. And there’s a lot of training and orientation to get through, which leaves no time during the day for actual work, so that’s why I’ve been coming home so late. I’ll be done by Saturday. I’ve been working really hard so I could clear my schedule in time for our birthday weekend, so things will go back to normal-ish after this week, I swear.”

“Okay,” Roxas murmured, feeling a bit pleased but wondering what ‘normal-ish’ was going to look like.

Chair screeched across the floor as Axel shuffled it closer to Roxas while he was still sitting on it. “I know things’ve been tough the last two weeks, but it won’t be like this forever.” Arm wound around Roxas’ waist, pulling them closer together.

Reluctantly Roxas rested his head on Axel’s shoulder. “I miss you. I’m lonely,” he said quietly and really felt it.

“I know the feeling,” Axel muffled into Roxas’ hair, exhaustion clinging to his words.

Even this - sitting together in sadness - was better than the last fifteen or so days, because they were at least _together_.

“What if it doesn't get better though?” Roxas asked, glumly.

“Don’t think like that.”

“But I want to,” Roxas whined. “I want to know the worst case scenario, so that everything else that might happen, no matter how bad, will never be as bad as what I prepared myself for.”

“What happened to mister optimism?”

“He died in a fire caused by loneliness.”

Axel chuckled.

“You’re supposed to be shocked and give me sympathy,” Roxas pouted.

A sharp intake of breath sounded from Axel and patronizing pats landed on Roxas’ head. “There, there. So what’re some of these worst case scenarios that you’ve been dreaming about?”

Roxas didn’t need to think about it, because he had spent countless hours over countless days fantasizing about the worst of the worst. “You keep being this busy, but even more so. You don’t come home anymore, because you’re on business trips interstate. Eventually you become super chummy with some attractive, caring, smart, hotshot lawyer you work with every day and you stay at his place because it’s closer to work, and you fall in love and marry him and have fur babies together. Or if it’s not a lawyer it’ll be some drop-dead gorgeous client who you get on with like a house on fire and after your client/lawyer privileges wear off you’ll be with him.”

“Babe, no. I’ve already got an attractive, caring, smart guy in my life. I don’t need anyone else.” Axel squeezed and pressed a kiss into Roxas’ hair.

“But what if you do? I don’t want to lose you. I want more time with you. How can I get more time with you? Should I commit some crimes? ‘Cause I thought of that too, y’know.”

“You’ve stolen my heart, Roxy. I’m gonna spend a lifetime defending your crime.”

Roxas laughed, but he felt sad. “And you stole mine and I’ll spend a lifetime doing detective work to figure out how it happened.” Long fingers were under his chin, lifting his face to look up into green eyes.

“I love you.”

“I love you too,” Roxas whispered against Axel’s lips as they pushed close for a chaste, warm kiss.

“You don’t need to worry so much. I’ll be around more. I’ll make sure to not neglect you.” Thumb rubbed Roxas’ cheek.

“You can’t know that. - Maybe we should move. If we live closer to your work you won’t be home so late.” Roxas tried to find a compromise somewhere and a solution to their situation.

“You don’t drive though and the buses are pretty infrequent out this way in the evening.”

“Don’t rule it out though. I was catching buses to all kinds of shady places well before I knew you, so I’m not new to it.”

“What kind of shady places?”

“Dive bars, weird pop-up gigs in abandoned warehouses, the library,” he whispered the last bit.

Axel cracked up laughing. “You’re real hardcore, huh?”

“Yeah.” They shared another kiss and Roxas hooked arms around Axel’s shoulders, not wanting to let go. “So I know we’re doing whatever you have planned on the weekend, but today’s still your birthday so I wanna celebrate. I made you something special.”

“Oh? You did?”

“Yeah.” Roxas kissed Axel again before sliding off the stool and went to the fridge. He got the plate out and went back to Axel, putting it down before him. “It’s your gross banana-mayo thing, only better. Instead of bread it’s banana bread, bananas and frosting.”

“You took all the best bits out of it.”

“Nah. It’s an improvement.”

Axel chortled, stuck his finger into the frosting and transferred it into his mouth. “Tastes diabete-licious.” 

“I know, right. That’s the best flavor.” Roxas also dug into the frosting he had layered on thickly and ate it. He hummed in satisfaction. It was definitely good frosting.

Axel stuck his finger in the frosting again but this time smeared it on Roxas’ lips and licked it off. Roxas chased after Axel, sucking firmly on his lip until their tongues got involved and moans started.

Roxas’ hands drifted over Axel’s thighs. They hadn’t had sex since their first time. Axel had been too exhausted, and Roxas suspected still very self-conscious. So Roxas felt very needy. 

“Babe, what do you want me to do to you on your birthday? Want me to smear frosting all over you and lick it off? Lick it off your cock?” Roxas spoke against Axel’s lips.

They pulled apart a little. “Sounds like that’s something I should keep in mind for your birthday, my little sweet tooth.”

Roxas shivered at the thought. “Yeah, keep that in mind for me. Um, I can put cut up bananas all over myself if frosting’s too sweet for you. You can fill me with your mayo.”

Axel huffed out in amusement. “That is never going to sound sexy.”

Roxas shrugged. “Doesn’t change the offer.”

“I still want to save that for the weekend.”

Roxas grumbled a little. “C’mon, what can I do for you? I want to do something for you, Ax. Something to do with sex. I want sex.”

Axel huffed with amusement but cast eyes aside as he thought. Cheeks dusted a little. “So I’m getting free reign to make a request?”

“Yeah. Anything you want. I’m so horny - I mean game. But also very horny,” he grinned at Axel and enjoyed seeing him smiling back at such close range, since they were still almost nose-to-nose.

Axel’s mouth opened as if he was about to say something, but then mouth shut again.

“What do you want me to do to you?” He palmed over Axel’s groin, feeling the little nugget - as he had named it in his own head - growing bigger.

“What if I weird you out?”

“I don’t think you will. The last guy I was with wanted to have his pet rat run all over us while we had sex. That was the end of that relationship. So I think I’ll be fine with anything you ask of me. You’re pretty sane.”

Axel stared and then shuddered. “Yeah. I’m tame compared to that.”

“So out with it,” Roxas smiled as big a smile as he could manage.

“I - want to watch you masturbate.”

Roxas stayed motionless for a second, processing. There was a definite buzz of excitement in his stomach. “But I want you to touch me,” he mumbled.

“And I will… after I watch you for a bit. Is that okay? It’s not weird is it?”

Roxas shook his head. “The rat thing’s set the bar pretty high on weird. I think you watching me is hot, but I just wanna make sure you touch me, okay?”

“Oh I will. I won’t let you come unless it’s in my mouth.”

Roxas closed his eyes and let the pleasant shudder run through him. He grabbed the plate with Axel’s cake on it, and Axel’s hand and lead him to the bedroom.

“Why’re you bringing the cake?”

“There’s frosting getting on my body one way or another and one of us is sucking it off. That’s the price for the peep show.”

Axel purred behind Roxas and quickly lurched forward to place a kiss on his neck.

They shuffled into the bedroom and towards their bed. Roxas flung the covers off with flair, casting them onto the floor. “Now you sit there, eat your cake and let me get busy.”

“Aye, aye, sir!”

Roxas grabbed the lube from his bedside stand, threw it onto the bed and unbuttoned his shirt but left it on. He looked at Axel, sitting cross-legged on the floor, shoveling small bits of banana bread cake into his mouth. Roxas had certainly not imagined himself doing this on Axel's birthday, but he wasn't going to complain either.

He unbuttoned his jeans and slowly pushed them down. “Y’know, stripping for you’s like number six on my top twenty sex fantasies.” Getting jeans just off his hips he played with the waistband of his briefs. He wished he had been wearing something sexy but Axel didn't seem to mind by the way his eyes were transfixed on Roxas and mouth hanging open slightly.

Axel cleared his throat, eyes flickered up only briefly before going back down to watch Roxas slide his undergarment down, revealing his semi-hardon. “Stripping’s number six, blowjob a number three. Does masturbating in front of me make it on the list?”

“Yah, that's like number eleven.”

“Why only eleven?”

“Because you're not touching me in that scenario. Though I suppose I could bump it up to number two if you get some frosting on me,” Roxas smirked.

Axel sniggered. “You and the damn frosting. All right, I'll save some just for you.”

“Good.” Roxas dropped his pants to the floor and sat down on the bed, legs folded under him but knees spread apart. He began running fingers down his body and rubbed palms up and down his thighs, shrugging his shoulders so the shirt slipped off and pulled around his elbows. Having a captive audience was making him a lot harder than he thought he’d be. Maybe he should consider moving this up to a higher spot. Axel was right, eleven seemed way too low now.

Axel was eating Roxas up with his eyes. Lips were licked. “What's your number one fantasy when you're like this?”

Roxas smirked and began pulling on his foreskin, massaging himself casually. “Oh, well that can change. Lately it’s you coming and fucking me at work. You do me from behind so I’m all pressed up against the window.” Roxas closed his eyes and tried to replay the daydream in his head. He rolled his hips a little and used the pre-come from his tip to lubricate his hand a little. “You’re amazing and hot and rough and make me blow my load right as silver Jag shows up and I get come all in his douchey smug face.” A devilish grin had spread across Roxas’ face. He found that part of the fantasy very hilarious.

“Silver Jag?” 

Eyes fluttered open at Axel’s curious tone. “Yeah, you know the guy who was like always sitting behind you in the mornings, especially when we just started… well… flirting.”

Axel’s eyes widened. “That’s Casey.”

Mouth fell open. “No fucking way! That douchebag is your ex-douchebag?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, fuck me.” It seemed to make perfect sense now why Roxas had such a tremendous distaste for the guy, even from just the - admittedly - brief contact he had ever had with him. “But - wait a sec - he shits all over you for what you do but he works at the same place you did? What the hell!” Roxas hadn’t realized that he could dislike the guy even more, but he did.

“He’s only there sometimes, usually as the prosecution for criminal matters.”

“Oh, so, on the other side.” His erection was forgotten. Hands were on thighs and he tried to wrap his head around this new information.

“Yeah.”

“Did you guys ever face off?”

Axel laughed.

“What?”

“You make it sound like a grudge match.”

“Well it should be by now. So did you?”

“No. It was always a conflict of interest because we were dating.”

“Oh. Makes sense.” Roxas returned to stroking himself, absentmindedly. “So you guys were never assigned to the same sort of case?”

A headshake followed and Axel ate more of the banana bread. “That’s kinda what ‘conflict of interest’ means, babe,” he smiled softly.

Something bothered Roxas. “Do you… do you maybe think he was so pissed off at you and kept telling you to take other cases, ‘cause he wanted to maybe be prosecuting the people you were defending?” It was a weird idea but not completely out of the question.

Mouth opened, but then shut again and Axel thoughtfully frowned. He went to say something again, but the same thing happened. Brow furrowed deeper in thought. 

“One of my friends has this rival - they’re like frienemies sorta. They love the same things, especially where fashion is concerned. They’re always trying to snipe each other with getting the coolest gear, ‘cause once one of ‘em has it, like boots for example, the other can’t buy it. They’ve got this rule to never be seen wearing the same clothes as each other. It’s weird and dumb, but that’s what they do.”

“Is that Riku and Kadaj?”

“Yeah, how’d you guess?” Roxas grinned.

“They kind of look alike, and it’s not just their fashion sense either. I thought they were brothers at first, but then Sora warned me to not say that. So… ,” Axel shrugged, “I can see them having that rule.” 

“Yeah, they get pretty pissed off if anyone ever says they’re related,” Roxas giggled. He loved that Axel got on with his friends. He loved that Axel was fitting in so well with his own life - when he wasn't so damn busy. 

Axel hummed and frown returned as he was still thinking, but then it melted away and he appeared less burdened, “Well damn, maybe you’ve got a point there, Roxy. I know most of the cases I had were pretty insignificant but some of them… there was some stuff tangled up with things that might have been important to certain people.” A big smile lit Axel’s face. “You’re gonna make an amazing detective one day.”

The compliment made Roxas blush. He suddenly became aware of his near-nakedness and wilting erection. “This is so not sexy anymore. I’m sorry, I’ll shut up and get on with it.”

“Au contraire, this discussion just made you even more sexy. I don’t think I can just stand by and watch now.” Axel got up.

“Don’t forget the cake,” he pointed with a finger at the left behind plate.

A hearty laugh left Axel’s chest. “You and your sweet tooth.” He turned around and grabbed the plate, dumping it on the bedside stand with a clatter and stood over Roxas. Frosting-covered finger smeared the white stuff over his own mouth and then Axel leaned down, giving a creamy smile to Roxas.

Roxas licked his lips before pushing up a little to lick the frosting off Axel. It turned into a kiss moments later. Warm hands were on Roxas’ arms sliding the shirt off completely and then Axel pushed Roxas back down to the bed, kissing him into the mattress. Warm hands traveled over Roxas’ naked body, leaving pleasant shivers wherever they went. 

Roxas reached up and undid Axel’s pants, exploring the skin underneath with a sweeping finger, teasing at the waistband of Axel’s underwear.

Axel ended the kiss and pulled away, sitting up on the bed.

“Don’t stop.” Roxas propped himself up on elbows, disappointed at the loss of contact.

“Let me watch you a bit more.”

That response made him frown. “I’ve already seen you completely limp. You don’t have to be hard before I see or touch you.”

“Just give me this one, babe. It _is_ my birthday.” 

Puppy-dog eyes and head tilt melted Roxas. “Gah, fine!” He sat back up, tucked legs under and spread himself open again like before. Taking a deep breath he returned his hand to his erection, which had grown more pronounced after Axel had just tended to him.

“You don’t want lube?” Axel leaned over, making to look for Roxas’ tube.

“It’s gonna taste weird with frosting.”

Axel snorted and stopped, sitting back up and leaned back against the bedhead, watching. “You’re so weird.”

“You’re weirder for falling for this weirdo,” he poked his tongue out and smiled.

A happy hum flowed out of Axel and a tender smile and nod was given. Roxas in response focused on his erection, stroking himself like he had done a thousand times before. His eyes slipped shut. The friction on his shaft wasn’t great; he needed more lubricant.

“Ax, can you get me the cake?”

“Already time for frosting?”

“Yeah.”

The banana bread cake was presented, Roxas took a big scoop of frosting - he _did_ slather the thing in a ridiculous amount of frosting after all - and painted himself with it. Nipples were first. Then he trailed a white smear down his body to his groin. Most of it went on his head - a not too unpleasant sensation - and then a little bit on his nose and bottom lip. He then batted eyelashes at Axel and cured his finger, begging his lover to come to him.

“Your cake is ready.”

Axel huffed with laughter but then eyes slid half-shut and lusty hunger sprang to life on Axel’s face. 

Butterflies and a need in his groin erupted in Roxas.

Axel crawled the short distance to Roxas, capturing sticky hand and slowly licking each digit clean, before working tongue over palm. Roxas shivered with pleasure at the foreplay. He imagined what Axel’s tongue would feel like on his cock and hummed. Axel dropped Roxas’ hand and moved closer, kissing frosting off nose and then attacked Roxas’ lips with a ravenous appetite. Roxas moaned low in his throat. Axel’s arm wound around Roxas’ midsection, pulling them a fraction closer and deepened the kiss. 

Axel broke away, trailing kisses down to nipples, where tongue licked, teeth pulled, and tweaked. Roxas gasped loudly and moaned, more for Axel’s pleasure than his own. Hand on his back maneuvered downward as Axel followed the trail of frosting. Axel slid back as he went and then hands rested on Roxas’ spread thighs and green eyes looked up at blue, while Axel was poised and ready to take Roxas into his mouth.

That sight was so sexy and arousing. Roxas’ white-stained erection inches from Axel’s readying mouth made him want to blow his load. “Ax,” he sighed in desperation, pushing hips forward and getting some frosting on Axel’s lips. 

Tongue flicked out, cleaning himself off. “You taste good, baby,” Axel said, husky as fuck.

Roxas shuddered with the sound. “Babe, talk some more,” he begged, licking his own lips and arching his back.

Axel’s hand found its way up to Roxas’ ribs, tracing and fondling the flesh between each outlined bone. “You want me to eat the cake?”

Roxas couldn’t do much but nod.

“You want me to… savor it? Every - bite,” Axel’s free hand tickled Roxas’ sac, “every - lick,” lips made contact with the base of Roxas’ shaft and put light pressure on him.

Roxas gasped and arched his back some more. Fingers dancing around his ribcage made him shiver. Axel’s tongue traveled up Roxas’ shaft, stopping short of the frosting-covered top. “You want me to make a wish, as I blow on your cock?” 

Every gravelly syllable dug into Roxas, making him itch and yearn for relief. “Yes,” he huffed, nodding vigorously.

Axel laughed, low and slow and it made Roxas whimper. He was getting such an amazing fucking by just that voice. He didn’t want to hold on much more. “I need you, Ax, I need your mouth on me.”

“Babe, I love you.”

Like nails on a board, a tremendous shudder ran through Roxas as warmth enveloped his head and pressure squeezed him all around. A long moan pushed out of Roxas’ chest, which grew with intensity as Axel’s tongue swept over his slit and around his head, taking with it the frosting. Roxas pried his eyes open, which had squeezed shut, and watched beautiful red spikes waving in the air as Axel bobbed up and down, taking Roxas deeper with each passing.

Axel sucked, slurped and hummed as his pacing increased. Hands were on Roxas’ flanks now, slipping down to cup his arse from time to time, and otherwise stroking skin, and fondling sac. Roxas didn’t know what to do with himself. He couldn’t stop the low moan. Axel felt too incredible. He didn’t know what to do with his hands, so they just went all over his slightly sticky chest, up his neck and hung around his face as the incredible tension built in his groin and core.

Axel gave a particularly sharp suck and Roxas was pushed to his breaking point. He curled in on himself as release broke free and overtook him completely. He fell forward, on top of Axel, forcing himself further into Axel’s mouth. He could feel throat constrict against his shaft and groaned with how tight it was, all the while continuing to spill himself into Axel.

He shuddered and shook. Sensation of swallowing kept sending shivers through his body and then eventually Axel forced Roxas out of his mouth, and slipped out from under him. Axel hugged Roxas’ limp form to himself and gave a husky chuckle.

“Did you make a wish?” Roxas asked, exhausted.

“Yeah, but I don’t think I’m supposed to tell you that I wished for us to be together forever.” Axel grinned and nuzzled into Roxas’ hair.

Roxas chuckled slowly. “You’re so silly. Now you ruined it.”

“I think we’ll be all right, sweetheart.”

Roxas hummed and kissed Axel deeply. A sweet and salty tang sat on Axel’s tongue, which Roxas sucked on for a very determined few seconds before he pulled off and pushed Axel back against the bed. “Now your turn, my big birthday boy.” He ignored Axel’s self-conscious protest and lifted shirt up off abdomen, placing a kiss below Axel’s belly button. He then pulled the fly of the pants open, underwear down, and licked his lips at the sight of Axel’s erection, glistening in the lamplight with moisture.

He worked garments off a little more, down Axel’s buttock to sit halfway down thighs and stroked the stunning erection between his middle and index finger for a few moments, while he looked at Axel, smiling softly. “You _are_ big, Ax. You’re so fucking sexy, I can’t wait for you to fill me up with your cock.” Roxas was spent but desire and love made his insides tingle and he wished he could come again. He nestled down between Axel’s legs, opened up wide and took Axel in and down most of the way. He sucked and rubbed with his tongue, enjoying the light and heavy gasps and moans which came from Axel, depending on what Roxas did. 

He bobbed his head, gently at first but building momentum and taking Axel deeper down into his throat. Roxas moaned, which made Axel’s hips buck, and a grunt of desire spill out. Roxas did this over, and over, and over again, each time sending Axel’s bucking hips a little higher, and making his groan a little richer.

“Roxas,” Axel moaned low in his diaphragm.

Roxas felt the spasm and release and then his mouth was filled with Axel. He swallowed against the deluge, not wanting to spill a single drop. 

Axel’s orgasm ended in a sighing whimper. Roxas released the man from his mouth and crawled back up, to lay next to his completely-turned-to-putty beloved. He smiled at and looked into Axel’s glazed eyes, until senses returned to Axel and he smiled back.

“I fucking love you, my sexy lawyer man. Happy birthday.”

“Thanks. You’re the best cake I’ve ever had.” Axel gave a tired laugh but fingered Roxas’ face and tilted chin up, locking them into a kiss.

* * *

 

The day finally arrived which Axel had planned for, and Roxas had been waiting for; their birthday weekend. They slept in together, which was a little difficult since they were both used to early morning wakings but they found comfort in one another and dozed off again for a while.

When they were ready to start the day they went out for breakfast, sitting on a terrace overlooking a quiet suburban street, chowing down on bacon, eggs, and waffles.

“So what's today going to look like?” Roxas asked, eager to know what had been so important to keep them from sex for so long, before he had decided to really push for it.

“Well I'm going to take you to the police academy after breakfast. There's an open day I thought might interest you.”

Roxas leaned over the table slightly. “There is? Why didn't I hear about this? I swear I’m on the mailing list.”

“This one's closed to the general public. More for people in the sector to get a better understanding of how things operate.”

“Wow, and you got me into it?”

Axel grinned and nodded. 

Roxas squealed a little and reachers across the table to squeeze Axel's hand. “Awesome, awesome! What else we doing? I hope there's stuff in there that you wanna do too.”

“Yeah. We'll go watch The Moons Shore. I've been dying to see that since it came out two weeks ago.”

“Oh yeah, that's that survival thriller, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Cool. I'm hearing good things about it. What else? What else we doing?”

Axel stroked Roxas’ hand and rubbed knuckles. “Well, then I’d like us to go out for dinner and then… you know.” Axel smiled and quirked his eyebrows.

He grinned and bit his lower lip before saying, “Sounds like an amazing date.”

“You're not supposed to know it's a date until the dinner at the end.” Axel lifted Roxas’ hand and rubbed it against his face, kissing knuckles.

“Oh,” he laughed gently. “I'll pretend like I don't know.”

“Fantastic. So c’mon, finish your syrup with a side of waffle and let's go,” Axel said in amusement.

Roxas poked his tongue out and mopped up the sweet deliciousness with the waffle sponge.

* * *

 

They had a great day following Axel's itinerary. Roxas learned a lot of useful things at the police academy and talked excitedly about all the pamphlets, brochures, and how cool the riot gear had been. Axel had liked the K-9 unit and Roxas entertained fanciful thoughts of him applying to have a police dog one day.

They milled around the city center, looking at all the shops as they headed to the cinema, killing some time before the movie started. And once there, seated in their recliners Roxas felt fingers searching for his during the more tense moments. He clasped and rubbed with affection until hand withdrew again once things calmed down in the movie.

Afterwards there was much to discuss about the movie at a nearby coffee shop, as the ambiguous ending was driving Roxas insane. They threw around wild ideas, failing to reach a consensus so deferring to the internet for the answer, which they liked even less so it was agreed that to each their own.

Dinner was a romantic affair. Candlelight, a secluded corner, a pianist sat by the window playing elegant melodies. The sound of diners clinking dinnerware together and keeping conversations hushed added to the intimacy. Roxas and Axel held hands across the table and talked quietly while waiting for their meals to arrive.

“This place seems quite fancy. Is this a date you’ve taken me on?” Roxas said, teasingly.

“Damn, you’ve seen through me. It is a date. Is that okay?”

“Why would you take me on a date and not even tell me?”

“Well -,” Axel looked at their hands holding each other firmly across the table, “I really like you.”

Roxas gasped. “You do?”

Axel gave a stern nod.

“Woah.” He let surprise fall away and gave his best smirk. “Can I tell you a secret?”

Axel leaned in a little, “Yeah.”

“I kinda like you too.”

Axel clapped his free hand to his mouth and then gave a coy, “Awesome. So it’s a date then?”

“It’s totally a date.”

They both chuckled. Roxas’ smile fell away slowly as he glanced around at the decor. It really was a fancy place. Plush carpets, heavy drapes, real candles, nice ambience, and people dressed much nicer than they were. “I feel underdressed.”

“Don't let that bother you. You look great,” Axel smiled warmly.

“You too.” Despite having been out all day and even worn helmets at the police academy open day Axel's hair was still it's same spiked sexiness, with only a few locks drooping here and there. His tattoos and almond eyes were divine and Roxas wanted to look at them forever. “How’d I ever get so lucky to end up with you?” Roxas sighed happily.

“I'm the lucky one.”

“It's not a competition. We can both be lucky.”

Axel hummed, wearing a mellow, yet no less happy smile. It fell away and he sat up a little straighter. “Can I ask you something?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you still feel intimidated by me? Or what I do?”

Roxas looked at their hands, gave Axel a gentle squeeze and thought before giving his smiling response of, “You sing badly in the shower, you eat weird foods, you're a closet nerd.”

Axel chuckled and squeezed Roxas’ hands back. 

Roxas continued, “You work really hard for your job and your clients. You're dedicated, determined. I'm so proud of you. So no,” he shook his head. “I'm not intimidated anymore.”

“Oh good. I kind of -” Axel clamped up and smiled up at the waiter who had arrived carrying their plates of food. Their hands untangled, making space for their meals. They both said their thank you’s and were left alone again.

“What is _that_?” Roxas eyeballed Axel’s plate.

“It’s chicken.”

“Doesn't look like chicken.”

“Here, try some.” And that got them tasting each others food and lost in other thoughts and conversations.

After their mains were consumed Axel ducked off to the washroom for a time. Roxas was keeping himself entertained by messaging his brother about what his first official date with Axel had been like.

Roxas  
  
**Today** 7:42 PM  
Ventus  
I don’t want any spoilers for the movie, coz me and Kel want to see it.  
  
**Roxas:** Then go and watch it. It’s been out long enough.  
  
**Today** 7:43 PM  
Ventus  
You know an ice age has to pass before we get around to watching anything that’s current.   
  
**Roxas:** Your fault then if I accidentally let slip a spoiler or five.  
  
Ventus  
You’re so stinking evil, Rox.  
  
**Roxas:** Bwahahaha! (Devil emoji )  
  
**Today** 7:45 PM  
Ventus  
So you guys gonna bone when you get home?  
  
**Roxas:** I thought you didn't want to hear about that.  
  
Ventus  
I don’t, but I know you’re obsessed so is it finally going to happen?  
  
**Roxas:** He said it is. So, Woooo!!!  
  
Ventus  
Cool. What’s the restaurant you’re at? I wanna take Kel somewhere nice for our anniversary.  
  
**Roxas:** TTYL! Ax back!!!!11!!  
  


“Dude! Don't fucking 'oh well’ me. I can't believe that you still got the ring! What the hell!” He let go of Axel’s hands and pushed his chair back from the table a little.

“Is that why you were gone so long? You had to fondle your shit - while I'm right here? I thought this was a date, Axel. What're you doing hanging on to the past? Why’re you so obsessed with him? He treated you like shit! He gave you a fucking complex! But you're hanging on for some dumb reason. He really is the fucking dark lord to you,” Roxas spat, feeling irritated at the ring, Axel, and that he couldn’t yell in this place.

“It’s not what you think.”

“Stop looking so god damn amused. It’s not funny. Why’re you holding on to this? Seriously. Tell me.” Roxas quietened down as the wait staff came, delivering two pieces of red velvet cake with a side of sea salt ice cream. Roxas was fuming, wishing the staff would hurry up and fuck off so Axel didn’t have more time to think about bullshit deviations and excuses.

Axel said a quiet thank you but Roxas stayed mute, glaring at Axel. Staff left, Roxas was about to open his mouth but Axel got up and rounded the table. He crouched down and knelt before Roxas, who swiveled in his chair to face the other man, sour look on his face.

Axel reached for Roxas’ left hand. Roxas tried to pull it back but Axel held firm, squeezing fingers. “Roxy, let me explain -”

“You better fucking explain because I'm so close to walking out of here and leaving you,” he snarled gruffly, trying to keep it down.

Axel looked surprised. “Leave me? Like _leave_ leave me?”

“Yeah. Would you even care?”

“Of course.”

“But then you do shit like this.” Roxas slapped Axel's banded hand with his free one. “I can't stand the thought of me playing second fiddle to that _douchebag_. He got to have all of you and treated you consistently like shit. I treat you right but only get half of you? It's bullshit!”

“Roxas,” Axel said sharply. “Let me speak, please.”

Roxas glared but stayed silent and even let his hand be held without fighting it.

“Before, when I asked you if I intimidated you, and you said all those nice things about me - well I noticed that there was no mention of how I treat you. And that makes me sad. I want to be here for you a lot more. I want to be reliable, compassionate, and I want to meet as many of your needs as I can, going forward from here. It won't be easy, not with the new job, but I hope we fall into a rhythm together, in our day to day work, and leisure, and also life.”

It hurt. Roxas was so angry. “Stop it! Stop saying nice things to me! They don't mean anything. You're so full of shit.”

“I'm not… I mean every word. I will be here for you.”

“Then why're you wearing that goddamn ring?” his voice squeaked with the strain of emotion but also trying to keep it down.

“Because you're wearing one too,” he smiled up at Roxas gently.

Nose wrinkled in confusion, “What?”

Axel released Roxas’ hand and Roxas looked down. There, on his ring finger, sat a silver band. He looked at Axel's hand - at the gold band -. It wasn't gold anymore. It was silver like his - away from the warm candlelight.

Right hand went to his face, to cover not only his mouth, but also his shame, embarrassment, and shock.

“This is what I wanted to give you. This is what I was waiting for. To give you a ring and the promise that I will be here for you. Will you be my boyfriend?”

“B-boyfriend?” The word nearly got stuck in his throat.

“Yeah.” 

“You want to be boyfriends?”

Axel laughed. “Why’s that so hard to believe?” He brushed hair away from Roxas’ eye. “You think all this stuff we've been doing together was all leading up to us just being roommates with some pretty incredible benefits?”

“I don't know. Maybe? I don't know. I just can't believe it's finally here. I've waited so long, and now when I was just fully prepared for it all to be over you hit me with boyfriends.”

“Baby, I'm sorry.”

Roxas leaned down and pressed lips to Axel's, kissing harshly. He then pulled away, sniffling a little and nodded. “Yeah. If you don't think me really dumb then yeah, I wanna be your boyfriend.” His foolishness and hot temper still caused him searing embarrassment but it didn't stop the tears of relief.

Axel's hands reached up and landed on either side of Roxas’ face. The cool band a very present texture against his hot face. Axel leaned up a little and kissed at tears, stopping short of Roxas’ lips.

“More than the past, or a ring, I love Roxas. He's my favorite thing,” Axel spoke before placing a small peck on Roxas’ lips and lowering himself again.

Roxas gave a little sobbing laugh. “God, that's dumb and sweet. I'm sorry that I was such an asshole just now.”

“Don’t worry about it, I forgive you. It’s kinda my fault. I didn't think you'd get so worked up about it. I was hoping for you to tease me and then realized it's actually a completely different ring. But my plan backfired on me.” Axel shrugged and got up. “So, cake?”

Roxas nodded and pulled Axel down into another kiss before he could return to his seat.

He still felt embarrassed about his outburst, so focused on eating his red cake. “It's almost the same shade as your hair.”

“Yeah.”

Roxas stayed quiet, but stuck his hand out and squeezed Axel's as they ate. 

_Boyfriends_. They had been living together, been intimate with each other, loved each other. Of course they would end up here, but it was incredibly nice for Axel to have finally asked him. The more Roxas thought about it the more he thought he would have been offended if Axel hadn’t asked him or made a little song and dance out of asking him. But a small portion of him was annoyed that it had still taken this long.

“We’re really finally boyfriends,” Roxas muttered somewhere between disbelief and elation.

“Yeah,” Axel smiled, looking proud as punch.

“What's it mean? What's it mean to you? What can we and can't we do?”

“Well lucky for you I drafted a contract,” Axel side-eyed Roxas and then chortled when Roxas glared.

“Don't you dare get all lawyerish on my arse.”

Axel still giggled a little, “Mmm, but your arse is so damn fine. I should tie it up in legal proceedings, so no one can touch it but me.”

Those words sent a shiver down Roxas’ body. “That’s what the rings are for.”

“True, true,” Axel giggled. “I suppose us being together means we can do stuff like this,” Axel got a piece of cake and ice cream on his spoon and held it out across the table to Roxas, who leaned in and took the bite. “We can also do stuff like this,” Axel quickly got up and walked around the table, leaned down and kissed Roxas deeply in his chair. 

Axel pulled away and left Roxas rosy-cheeked and breathless. Roxas hummed happily. “I like that.”

Axel smiled softly and brought his chair and plate around to sit next to Roxas.

“But it's also more serious stuff. Like - I would like to be involved in big decisions in your life, like you will be in mine.”

“Big decisions?”

“Yeah. I would just like to be considered and consulted regarding what our life together will look like.”

Roxas nodded. “Same.”

“I feel bad for having taken the Fairway job without talking to you first.”

“You do?”

“Yeah. It’s been such a strain on you. I’m really sorry about that.” Axel gave Roxas a pitiful look, which made Roxas’ heart melt.

He rubbed Axel’s back. “I’m just glad you’re happy. You said things will get better starting next week so… .”

“Yeah, they will. I just wish things hadn’t been so bad the last two weeks.”

“It's okay. You’re making it up to me right now,” he smiled.

Axel nodded. “Thanks for being so wonderful and understanding. I’m definitely gonna be doing my best for you.”

“Because we’re boyfriends,” Roxas beamed and Axel nodded, smiling.

“But also because I love you and you deserve the best.”

Roxas leaned in and hugged Axel's arm, nuzzling him a little. “Hey, can I tell people?” He looked up excitedly.

“Of course. It shouldn’t be a state secret.”

Roxas gave Axel a big hug and then fished for his phone. He leaned back in to Axel, held up his ringed finger and took a photo, sending it to Ventus. He then put his phone on mute so he could ignore his brother.

“Who did you send that to?”

“Ven.”

“Why?’”

“Make him sweat. We have a bet going. Last one to get married has to get something the other chooses tattooed on their arse.”

Axel burst out laughing. “Seriously?”

“Very. Hey, why’d you choose rings?”

“You're just going to change subject like that?”

“Yup.”

“But your tattooed arse! I need to know the details.”

“I'll tell you about it on the way to the car. Right now is about us, not my brother's arse. So c’mon, why rings? I thought rings were a you-and-your-ex thing.”

“Well, okay, I guess. Ah - I thought so too, about the rings I mean. I bought him the ring because he wanted something to show off. It was never _us_ in our relationship. It was just _him_ being in a relationship he was after.”

Roxas made a disgusted face and sound.

“Yeah. I'm coming to terms with this shit now. But these rings… well I needed to give you something.”

Roxas grimaced and grabbed Axel’s elbow. “You never needed to give me anything. I only ever wanted you.”

“And I never wanted anything else but you either.” Axel’s hand landed on Roxas’. “It’s been like that for longer than I ever even realized. You know, it never occurred to me how much just having you greet me each day meant to me.” Other hand went to Roxas’ face, rubbing cheek, “I knew I loved talking to you but when everything was starting to fall down all around me it never even entered my mind that you were my one pillar still holding me up. I wish I had seen it. I wish I had known to keep seeking you out each morning when I had to start walking to the courthouse after my car got done in. But, I couldn’t think straight. I was busy chasing the status quo and trying to maintain my life at the level it had been at before. And,” a grimace fell across Axel’s face, “honestly I was so mad at everything and everyone. Too mad obsessing about everything I was losing to think about what I hadn’t lost yet. You were still in that booth and I didn’t ever stop by to say hi. Man, if I had -,” a long exhale followed, and Axel continued, a little more even-toned, “but no point getting stirred up about that now. I can’t express to you how important your smile was to me and still is. I never knew how much seeing you each day had been holding me together on the inside. Bringing you a hot chocolate in the cold mornings was so rewarding. Having you tell me about your day in brief snippets was riveting, and,” he chuckled, “holding up traffic and us not even noticing until someone got mad was just the best thing.”

Surge of love flooded Roxas. “Yeah it was,” he said, feeling very overwhelmed and like tears might leak out at any moment.

Axel hummed and gave Roxas a beautifully gentle smile. “So, I’m giving you this big, long-winded speech to try and convey to you how important you are to me. I’m giving you the ring to prove to you that you will always be my number one.”

Axel was laying it all on the table for Roxas. “You don’t have to prove yourself to me. You don’t need to keep doing this, you know.”

“Doing what?” Axel’s hand stopped its gentle stroking motion.

“This. Holding everything in for so long and then letting it all out in one big wave.”

“Ah… .”

Roxas exhaled sharply and took ahold of Axel’s hands, clasping them gently.

“I don’t want you to keep treating our relationship like a big court case. You don’t have to gather all the evidence and present it to me in one go. And I don’t want us to keep adjourning our lives so more evidence can be presented later and a stronger case can be formulated.”

Axel wore his thinking face. Gears turned, trying to see the big picture, and then eyes were back on Roxas. “Is that really what it feels like I'm doing?”

“Well, yeah. I take it you had the rings for at least a month. You’ve been having really strong feelings about me since at least the first day we started sleeping together. And you’ve been crazy touchy feely - which I have _loved_ but could never do anything more about. And for what? For today - tonight - which has been _amazing,_ but… we could still have had today and _more_ before that if you weren’t so focused on needing to present your case. And I don’t even know why you feel you had to prove yourself to me, because I’m pretty sure it’s never been a mystery to you how I’ve felt about you.”

Axel remained quiet. Brow lightly furrowed and eyes narrowed, looking out across the tableware.

Roxas stared at Axel for a few beats of his pounding heart. He loved Axel so much. His love burned like a wildfire, but he also felt incredibly annoyed that _this_ is what he had to wait months and months for to hear before they could _properly_ start their relationship. It just felt so unnecessary. They could have been boyfriends ages ago. But now he was worried that he had offended Axel. “I’m sorry. I’m not trying to be mean or anything.”

Green eyes returned and fixed on blue. “No, I get it. I can see your point. I never realized that’s what I was doing. I do take a pretty structured approach to things that are important to me. Do you want me to change that?”

Did he? Roxas wasn’t sure. “I like how you are. I like your work ethic and I think it makes you a really great lawyer. But… you and me… we aren’t - I’m not your job. - Not like that anyways. I want you to do me but… yeah, not like your _job_ job.”

Axel smiled gently. “What should I do? Besides you,” he added with a soft chuckle.

“M-maybe a little bit less thinking when it comes to us.” He leaned in and whispered into Axel’s ear, “We could have been boning each other for months now. I don’t care what you think, I fucking _love_ your cock, and your mouth, and fuck, don’t even get me started on your voice and hands.” He pressed a kiss just behind where jaw met ear and pulled away again. 

A soft but lusty exhale of breath left Axel and a soft smile greeted Roxas. “It’s always sex with you. Are you some kinda nymphomaniac?”

“Sex _is_ important to me, yeah, but I don’t think I’m obsessed with it.”

A flash of tension surged across Axel’s face.

“What? What’s wrong?”

“Huh? Nothing.” But the tightness of Axel’s voice and the rigidness in his shoulders gave it away. 

“No. Something’s wrong. Don’t keep it inside. Don’t make a court case out of it. Just tell me.”

Lips pressed and rubbed together for a moment. “Can we… maybe discuss this outside?”

Roxas gave a dumbfounded stare and then realized how public they were being. “Yeah, sure.” Roxas shoveled the last of his and Axel’s dessert into his mouth and then got up while Axel was laughing at him quietly.

They settled their bill and walked to Axel’s car in silence, but still hand-in-hand. Doors opened and shut and then they were in their own secluded private bubble. Roxas turned in his seat to face Axel. “So what is it?” It had something to do with sex, Roxas understood that much. And sex was one of the biggest hang-ups for Axel, Roxas got that too.

Deep breath was inhaled, eyes stayed firmly rooted looking out at the carpark. “A while ago you said you didn't want to be with a deadbeat in the sack.” 

Roxas cast his mind back. He couldn’t recall, but Axel seemed to have a way better memory for recounting peoples statements than Roxas had so he just went with it. “If I said that I’m sorry. There’s no way you are one, Ax. There’s no way I don’t enjoy myself with you. I haven’t been faking it.”

“It’s all been blowjobs. What if I’m a deadbeat in having actual sex with you? I know how badly you want it. What if I disappoint you?”

“There’s no way -”

“But what if I do,” sharp green eyes landed on Roxas, pleading with him to give an answer. “Worst case scenario this with me.”

“How about you tell me _your_ worst case scenario and then I’ll tell you mine.”

There was no hesitation or delay. “You laugh at me, dump me, and tell everyone how bad I am.”

Roxas felt incredibly sad for Axel. “After all we’ve been through? After all the boyfriend talk just before?”

“Yes, even after all of that. Sex is important to you. You wouldn’t have told me that if it wasn’t true.” 

“I would have told you because I wanted it with you. I was trying to manipulate you, but in a good way?” he tried to jest, but Axel didn’t have a bar of it, he just glared.

Roxas sighed. “I’m sorry. Look I’d never do any of those things. I love you more than that. But… I guess if we could never have sex - yeah it would bother me, but I’d never do those things. I’d never leave you.”

“What would you do then, if that was the situation?” Axel didn’t let up.

“I’d continue to love you and spend all my days with you, but I’d go hire a prostitute to get it on with when I get like super horny. You could watch, or be involved in some way, because I love you and want _you_.”

Axel’s frown didn’t go away.

“But can I tell you now the real life, not extreme version of what would actually happen if for whatever reason you couldn't satisfy me?”

A tiny smile cut through the grimace. Axel nodded.

“We’d talk about it. I’d tell you what is wrong, what I want and need to have a great experience with you. And then I’d badger you until you told me what _you_ need to not be so nervous and self-conscious so we could both have an amazing experience. And then - here’s the fun bit - we’d practice heaps. And if that failed we’d get a sex therapist, because that is a real job that people have to help couples who are having problems. Sound good?”

Axel was definitely smiling by that point. A heavy sigh left him. “Yeah. I don’t know why I’m so worried.”

“I don’t know either. I’m so starved for you doing me, there’s no way I’m going to be disappointed tonight.”

“Oh I know something that would definitely disappoint you.” Eyes carefully returned to Roxas.

“Axel,” he said with exasperation.

“It’s not getting any action tonight. Am I wrong?”

It made Roxas laugh with relief. “Nah, you’re spot on.”

“Thought as much. So let’s go home.” Axel put the key into the ignition and after two tries got his shitbox started.

“What’re we going to do at home?” Roxas leaned across the center console and gave Axel a peck on the cheek. He wanted to be told the full list of sexual acts that Axel was going to perform on him.

“Declutter the kitchen cabinets. I can’t find shit in there.”

Roxas punched Axel in the arm, making the other man laugh. “We’re only doing that if _declutter the kitchen cabinets_ is a euphemism for you doing me up my arse,” Roxas snarled.

“Good God, you get angry when you’re starved for sex,” Axel laughed even more.

Roxas nodded. “It’s the only way to keep the beast inside. And he’s very dangerously close to the surface.”

“Okay, I’ll get us home ASAP.” He planted a kiss on Roxas’ forehead.

* * *

 

They were in the middle of Roxas’ bed, completely naked and kissing sensuously. Roxas straddled one of Axel’s thighs, head tilted back to give Axel as much access as possible to his mouth. Strong arms were around Roxas’ back and waist, holding him up, while Axel leaned into him. Roxas was leisurely stroking Axel’s cock into magnificent arousal and luxurious moans fell out of them both the longer the kissing and stroking went on for.

Eventually Axel eased Roxas down onto the bed and kissed him firmly into the mattress. One hand traced Roxas’ ribs while the other was fiddling with the tube of warming lubricant. Roxas continued to stroke, rub, and tease Axel’s erection, using the pre-come to help his hand and fingers glide over slit, ridge, and vein.

Roxas whimpered into Axel’s mouth as warm, slippery finger brushed against his puckering. Pressure increased until Axel pushed inside of Roxas, causing Roxas to break their kiss and gasp in utter delight. Seductive smirk and deep, lusty laugh rumbled through Axel’s chest. 

“God, you’re sexy,” Roxas spoke, desire and need clouding his voice.

“Right back at you, babe.” Axel recaptured Roxas’ lips, pushing into him with his tongue at the same time as a second finger entered Roxas.

Digits stretched, warming lube sent shivers through Roxas and a deep desire through his erection. Axel hadn’t been touching him there at all, and it was delicious torture. Another finger slipped in, making Roxas hum from the depth of his stomach and hips buck a little. His heart was already racing with months of anticipation, his body ached for Axel’s penetration, for Axel to take his pleasure from Roxas’ body, and with it bring Roxas to his own pleasurable climax.

Axel kept fingering him, kissing him, rubbing him, sending his skin and senses into overdrive. Roxas grabbed at muscles and hair. He trailed fingers over Axel’s planes and jutting form, all the while keeping a steady rhythm over Axel’s rock hard cock. 

The more Roxas’ arousal built the more he rubbed at Axel’s slit, and fondled balls. Fingers in his rectum felt so good and all tension and tightness turned into smooth friction.

Roxas withdrew his tongue from Axel, pecked at lips and looked up into lusty green eyes. “Stop stalling. Fuck me, Ax. I want your cock in me. Fuck me,” he said, trying to sound as seductive as possible. It probably just sounded like a beggar.

Axel licked his lips and gave a slow nod. Fingers left Roxas, making him feel hollow and Axel sat up, quickly looking around for the lubricant and squeezing some into the palm of his hand upon locating it. Axel gasped with delight as he spread it onto his shaft, which Roxas had relinquished ownership over. 

“Talk dirty to me, Ax.”

“I'm gonna fuck you so hard, Roxy baby. I'm gonna make you come all over yourself,” he said between kissing Roxas’ neck.

Heavy breathing filled the air for a few moments after. Lips sought each other out and marred each other. One hand lifted Roxas’ thigh, spreading it up and out and Axel slid between Roxas’ legs. 

A whimper escaped Roxas as hand landed on his hip, squeezing and holding while Axel’s erection teased Roxas’ rectum.

“You ready?” Axel asked, gruff and heavy.

“Born ready.” He reached up towards Axel’s lusty smiling face, went behind his head and pulled him down into another kiss whilst his other hand was on Axel’s backside, pushing him towards himself.

Axel nudged his hips. Roxas felt his ring of muscle stretch around Axel’s girth and both men groaned with deep pleasure as Axel penetrated Roxas slowly and all the way up to the base of his cock.

Tears leaked out of Roxas as he moaned with pent-up longing and satisfaction over the sensation of finally being stretched out and filled up.

“Everything all right?” Axel kissed at a tear.

“This… is… so fucking… good. Fuck me, Ax. Fuck me so hard,” Roxas grit through teeth and shut eyes.

A husky, “Heh,” escaped Axel and then hips began to roll, slow at first but building momentum.

Roxas moaned every time Axel pushed back into him. He moaned louder and deeper with every thrust until Axel was pounding him so hard and fast that no sound came out at all due to how intense it felt.

Axel’s mouth worked over Roxas’ neck and shoulders. Roxas clawed at Axel’s back, bucking his hips reflexively, which increased the force and pressure of Axel’s thrusts. Suddenly Axel’s hands were on Roxas’ hips, pulling them even closer together. The slight shift caused Axel to hit Roxas’ prostate and Roxas groaned, “Oh God, yes. Fuck, yes. Ax, just there, fuck!”

Axel kept pounding, causing the slap of skin-on-skin to ring through the bedroom. He was grunting with exertion and pleasure. “Fuck, you’re so tight, baby. Fuck.” Hand was on Roxas’ erection a moment later, rubbing his head, and pumping.

Roxas didn’t know where Axel began and he ended. He felt so full, so good, so whole. “I can’t. I can’t keep it in. Fill me, Ax. Come, please, come,” he panted as he felt himself losing control.

Axel leaned down, bit and sucked on Roxas’ neck, tugged hard on Roxas’ erection. “You're so beautiful. Gorgeous. I love you. I wanna fill you up,” Axel panted against Roxas’ skin and licked his Adam's apple.

Roxas loved that the wall had come down, that Axel could be comfortable and take his pleasure without being self-conscious. He squeezed against the amazing intrusion, coaxing a deep grunt of pleasure from Axel.

It lit an even bigger fire in his belly. Roxas threw his limbs around Axel, pulled him close to himself and forced Axel's shaft further in. Axel hammered into him, rubbing against his prostate and the closeness of their two bodies put pressure on his cock. 

Axel's fingers squeezed around him. Roxas saw stars. Axel gave a guttural groan as Roxas tensed up and felt himself clamp down around Axel’s erection deep within himself.

Pleasure surged through him, tightening everything and his come sputtered over himself in hot waves of ecstasy. Roxas felt himself filling up with Axel’s orgasm and it made him shudder and shiver with pleasure. He moaned Axel's name and dug fingers into skin as he hugged Axel close.

They lay together, heavy breaths falling out of heaving chests. Roxas rolled them over, Axel slipping out of him as they went and Roxas lay nestled into Axel's side, drawing patterns on his chest and looking up at his friend and lover. “You’re amazing,” he puffed.

“You too, babe. Just - incredible.” Axel smiled at him, lifting his head to share a tender kiss with Roxas, but when he pulled away again he looked sad.

“No, what's that face for.” Roxas’ fingertips traced some of the sad lines around Axel’s eyes and mouth.

Axel caught the roving hand and kissed each finger before he spoke. “You were right. I didn't have to wait - I shouldn’t have waited. I should have jumped in with both feet and not wasted a single second not being with you. I got too caught up in my insecurities and my plan to woo you. And it just cost us a lot of time.”

“It's all good, Ax. Don't let this upset you. Just don't ever keep me waiting again, that's all I want.”

“Promise I won’t.” Sadness was tempered by a soft smile.

“Good. It’s my birthday in two days. I’ll test how good your word is then.” Roxas stretched out, still feeling amazing from having had Axel inside, but slightly less amazing for having come all over himself.

“Oh, well if that's what you want.” Axel stretched over to the bedside stand, grabbing at box of tissues and laying it beside them.

Roxas gave Axel a sharp look. “What's with that tone?” He grabbed a bunch of tissue paper and scooped up the mess before it could soak through the sheets.

“What tone?” Axel wore a sly smirk.

“And now that face! What gives?” Roxas poked his finger against Axel's chest.

A low chuckle emanated. “If you want to wait until your birthday we can. It's a long way away though. But if you _really_ don't want to have more sex before then… well I'll understand,” Axel said with a heavy sigh and then solemn expression gave way to a mischievous smile.

“What! No. I'd take you again in a few minutes if I knew your poor body could handle it. I’m just generous and careful and thought I’d let you recuperate a little,” Roxas said with a grin.

“You don’t have to worry about me. We can go again in a little while if you want.”

Tiredness burned away. He lightly smacked Axel’s chest with excitement. “Yes. You still have so many months to make up for and so much to show me.”

Axel’s laugh rumbled and his hands went traveling down Roxas’ body. “Anything for my boyfriend.”

“Anything?” Roxas wore a broad grin as hand tantalizingly swept over his rear, teasing of all the enjoyment they would share in future days to come.

“Anything.”

“Does the anything go right now?”

Axel chuckled. “What do you need?”

“Can you eat me out a little? Just a bit?” Roxas moved away from Axel enough to roll onto his stomach and stuck his rear up in the air a bit.

“Babe,” Axel husked and sat up, pulling Roxas’ arse towards himself a little and ran his finger down the center.

Roxas whined and tensed when the next moment moist heat and firm tongue were on him, licking up some of the come which was leaking from Roxas. He moaned as Axel spread his cheeks further and probed a little deeper with his tongue.

Both their breathing became a little more ragged. Roxas kept whimpering into the mattress, and Axel was breathing deep, trying to get air. The sensation was almost painful for Roxas with how sensitive he still was from his orgasm, but he didn't want it to stop either.

Axel did pull away though when Roxas clenched against him and almost sobbed.

“Everything okay, Roxy? Was that good? I've never done that before.” Axel stroked Roxas’ backside firmly, look of concern on his face.

Roxas looked behind himself and smiled. “Yeah, yeah. That was great. Remind me to ask you to do that to me before I’ve come next time. I'm too fucking sensitive right now.”

Worry melted away and Axel tittered with relief. Hand kept tracing and feeling Roxas’ backside. “I love you, Buttkin.”

“You named my butt?”

“Yeah.”

Roxas giggled. “Well, it loves you too.” He sighed happily and rolled back onto his side. Axel lay back down next to him, one hand still cupping Roxas’ rear.

“It would be such a shame… ,” Axel said, looking thoughtful.

“What would?”

“To have perfect little Buttkin marred by a tattoo.”

Roxas laughed. “It’s okay. I don’t think my brother is in any real hurry to get married, so nothing’s gonna happen to me any time soon.”

“But you sent him that photo. What if he gets a move on?”

“He’s as slow as a glacier. I’m not worried.”

“But I am. I’ll do anything to protect Buttkin. He’s a national treasure.” Axel squeezed Roxas’ backside gently, worry not melting away.

Roxas cracked up laughing but when Axel didn't join in he stopped. “Are you being serious?”

“Yeah.” He picked up Roxas’ left hand, leaving a kiss on ring finger. “It’s my new mission in life.”

“Wow,” Roxas breathed out and stared blankly. Was this really happening?

They looked at each other for some time. Axel looked as stunned as Roxas was feeling but Roxas managed some words eventually, “I accept having you as my arse knight.”

Small smiles spread across their faces and little laughs burbled out of them both.

“I just proposed to you, didn't I.” Axel said with dawning realization.

“I think you did,” Roxas huffed lightly.

“And you accepted, right? Just… gotta be clear here.”

“You're being lawyerish - but yes I accepted.” He smiled warmly and ran his finger along Axel's jawline.

“Wow,” Axel breathed out, leaned in and kissed Roxas for a long while in a sweet way. Bodies were pulled together and limbs tangled up.

“Wow indeed.” Roxas left a peck on lips after they had pulled apart again to catch their breath. “I never thought I’d end up with you, but I'm so happy that I did. I’m so glad you’re here, Ax.”

“Me too, Roxy baby. I'd be at the bottom of a bridge without you.”

Roxas’ heart clenched with pain at that memory and even more so at the thought of Axel not being with him. “I'm glad things have gotten better for you.”

Axel breathed in deeply and nodded, sighing out a, “Yeah, me too,” and smiled. “You’re the best thing that happened to me.”

Roxas’ eyebrows furrowed with love and longing. “Same.” He went in for another kiss, rolled over, pulling Axel on top of himself and deepened, what was the start of a very languid kiss.

_____❤_____

* * *

_**~cream pudding** _

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This oneshot was fun and ridiculous. Axel having body issues came out of writing myself into a hole and it seemed the only logical conclusion I could arrive at. It was fun writing self-conscious Axel.
> 
> I hope you guys enjoyed the smut coz damn there was a lot of it. I was gonna leave out the Axel birthday sex but then decided to let loose and not spare you all the details of it :p And it ended up with some fun dialogue so I'm glad I went there.
> 
> Anyway, happy ending.
> 
> Thanks for all the kudos and comments on this. I always and forever appreciate it :)
> 
> Not quite sure what sort of comments to leave? Here is a handy-dandy guide! (taken from [NimblesNotebook](http://nimblesnotebook.tumblr.com) on Tumblr)  
> 1\. At what point did you feel like “Ah, now the story has really begun!”  
> 2\. What were the points where you found yourself skimming?  
> 3\. Which setting in the story was clearest to you as you were reading it? Which do you remember the best?  
> 4\. Which character would you most like to meet and get to know?  
> 5\. What was the most suspenseful moment in the story?  
> 6\. If you had to pick one character to get rid of, who would you axe?  
> 7\. Was there a situation in the story that reminded you of something in your own life?  
> 8\. Where did you stop reading?  
> 9\. What was the last book/fanfic you read, before this? And what did you think of it?  
> 10\. Finish this sentence: “I kept reading because…”


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